幾天前去牙醫那裏做例行性的洗牙。每次看牙的經驗都不是很舒服，所以每次要去看牙醫時心裏都有些掙扎。
I went for a routine dental cleaning the other day. Seeing a dentist was never a pleasant experience for me so it upsets me a little every time I need to go see him.
洗牙前，我同意先照X光，因為上一次做已經是三年前的事了。洗牙的過程還算順利，不過牙醫發現有顆牙可能快蛀了，他說可以先觀察看看，下次來時再處理。我覺得有點沮喪，因為過去六個月我很小心地呵護我的牙齒，想不到還是不能全數過關。
Before the cleaning began, I agreed to have x-rays taken on my teeth because it was last done three years ago. The cleaning went well and the dentist found a “possible” cavity that he said we could put on hold until my next visit. This finding stirred my feelings as I expected to get a clean bill since I had very carefully taken care of my teeth during the past six months.
不想讓問題變得更大，我請醫生立刻將這可疑的洞補起來。另外有三顆牙因為牙齦有點萎縮，暴露的牙根有些敏感，牙醫師也主動為它們加上了一層保護層。這樣張著嘴九十分鐘之後，我覺得有點累了。
I didn’t want this possible cavity to turn into a bigger issue so I decided to have it fixed right away. The dentist also patched up three other places where the lower parts of the teeth were exposed due to the receding gums. I felt a little tired after keeping my mouth open for 90 minutes.
做完這些填補工作後，牙醫師在電腦上打開我的X光片。它們看起來有點讓人擔心，有些地方牙齦已經萎縮造成骨質流失。我不安的情緒開始變成恐懼。「你可以考慮做深度洗牙。」牙醫師若無其事地說。
At the end of these operations, it was time to look at my x-rays. It was not a pretty scene. The x-rays showed that I had receding gums and bone loss in a few areas. I could feel my unsettling feeling becoming fearful as I got concerned. “You can consider having a deep cleaning,” casually said the dentist.
「深度洗牙? 那是什麼? 我從來沒有聽過。」我開始有點緊繃。
“Deep cleaning? What is that? I never heard of it.” I began to feel a little nervous.
「就是清洗在牙齦下面的牙齒部份。那會有點疼，所以做的時候要上麻藥。」牙醫師向我解釋。
“It cleans deeper on the teeth below the gumline. It will cause pain so we will need to numb your teeth if you decide to do it,” said the dentist.
這種洗牙過程聽起來有點嚇人，我可以感覺到我的恐懼感正在直線上升。
I felt the feeling of fear rising up to my throat as the dentist was explaining this scary procedure to me.
在回家的路上，我腦子裏一直想著深度洗牙的恐怖畫面。一到家我立刻上網查詢，當然我最關心的是這種洗牙方式是否會對我寶貴的牙齒造成傷害。
The dreadful picture of having a dental deep cleaning was playing in my head as I was on my way home. I did research on the Internet the minute I got home and of course, my focus was on all the possible negative impact this procedure might have on my precious teeth.
意識到我的心情一直往下滑，我想還是關掉網路去準備晚飯吧。當天晚上沒有再多想這件事，但心裏還是有些擔心。
Feeling my mood spiraling down, I decided to close the Internet to prepare dinner. While the worry about my teeth subsided for that night, it did not really go away.
第二天晚上吃飽飯沒事做，我又想起了牙齒的事，決定找先生商量一下。但是討論的結果不僅沒有消除我的恐懼，反而讓我覺得焦慮和沮喪。我覺得好有挫折感，而且很生氣。怎麼搞的，我還是有那麼多恐懼，過去的學習心得到那裏去了? 我為什麼不能像別人一樣那麼冷靜?
The next day after dinner when my mind had nothing better to think about, this dental issue came back to bother me. I decided to turn to my husband for help but the discussion with him only pushed my fear to anxiety and then to depression. I was feeling anger and frustration with myself. What’s wrong with me? Why do I still have so much fear after all my learning and realizations? Why haven’t I learned to keep my head like everyone else?
也就是說當我心懷恐懼的時候，我開始責備自己搞不定牙齒的問題和自己的情緒。恐懼本身沒有那麼可怕，真正可怕能把我們推到情緒谷底的是我們對自己的責備和不滿 !
So while experiencing fear, I was blaming myself for not being able to cope with this dental problem and my emotions. Fear itself was not so powerful; it was the blaming and frustration with myself that pushed me over the edge!
這時我好想掉眼淚，但我把它忍住了，因為等一下會和鄰居碰面，不想把眼睛哭腫了出去。
I was ready to burst into tears but tried to hold them back because I was supposed to meet with my neighbor in a few minutes and I didn’t want to go out with red and swollen eyes.
我按捺住自己的情緒，草草和鄰居說完話。回到房間裏，我的眼淚就決堤了。當淚水流下面頰的時候，我感覺心中那些不好的情緒也隨之傾巢而出，滿腔的負能量也隨著淚水釋放出來。接下來的十分鐘，我的情緒開始平復下來。之後的第二天，我可以平靜地思考我該如何面對我牙齒的問題。
I managed to hold up my emotions and quickly finished the conversation with my neighbor. Back to my bedroom, I burst into tears. With the tears running down my cheeks so were all my bad feelings out of my chest. I felt all the negative energy that had been swelling up inside my body was released with my tears. In the next 10 minutes, I was regaining my senses. The following day I was able to think about the strategies to deal with my dental issue. Not only did my crying release my emotions, it eased my worry about my teeth.
後來當我回頭看這件事時，我明白了艾妮塔‧穆札尼所說的:『「走出」恐懼最好的方法是「走過」它。』 憂慮、苦惱甚至想辦法去對抗情緒都是沒有用的，我真正需要的是大哭一場。但是我一開始並不想這麼做，因為我認為用哭面對情緒是不恰當、不成熟的行為。
Later when I looked back on this incident, I realized what Anita Moorjani meant when she said “the best way out of fear is to go through it." All the time I was fretting, agonizing and even trying to fight off my emotions, I should have just given myself a good cry. Instead, I tried to hold it because I didn’t think it was a proper and mature way to handle my emotions.
也許是不成熟，也許是孩子氣，但我應該在乎別人的看法，壓抑自己的情緒? 還是應該愛我自己，用自己認為最有效的辦法去釋放它?
Well, it may not be “mature” and look childish to other people, but should I really care about what they think of me and suppress my feelings? Or should I love myself and do what I feel like to release the emotions?
面對自己的情緒有時並不容易，面對的方法也因人而異。有人會去跑步，有人會去抹地板、找朋友聊聊、做個蛋糕、搥枕頭、像我一樣大哭，或甚至把窗戶關起來在車子裏大叫。不管是什麼方法，只要能幫助你釋放情緒，而不會傷害自己或別人，請儘管去做，「走過」你的情緒吧。這是你的人生，只有你有資格掌控你的情緒。
Facing up to our emotions can be scary and each of us handles them differently. It may be going out for a run, mopping the floor, talking to a friend, baking a cake, punching a pillow, crying like me or even screaming in your car with the windows rolled down. Whatever it is, as long as it helps you release your emotions and does not harm yourself or other people, go and do it to “walk through your emotions.” It is your life so let you be the owner of your emotions.
最重要的是，當我們面對不舒服的情緒時，我們應該要更愛自己。情緒的殺傷力沒那麼大，真正的殺手其實是我們對自己無情的批判、責難和不滿!
Above all, let’s try to love ourselves when we go through difficult feelings. They are not really harmful. It is the judging, blaming and hating of ourselves that will push us over the cliff!
從這個經驗我學到兩件事:
1. 心情不好的時候不要批評或責備自己。這時更需要疼惜自己。
2. 允許自己用一個安全有效的方式「走過」情緒，不用在乎別人的眼光。
So what are the two lessons I learned from this experience?
1. Don’t judge or blame myself when I go through difficult feelings. What I need is to love myself even more at a time like this.
2. Allow myself to deal with my emotions in a safe and effective way, without the need for other people’s approval.
你覺得以上也會對你有幫助嗎?
Do you think this will also help you ?
相關文章:
「正面思考，還是...做自己 ? 」(艾妮塔‧穆札尼)“Being Positive? Or Being Yourself ?” By Anita Moorjani
「難過時請善待自己」(珍妮佛.克莉斯曼)“Why Letting Ourselves Feel Bad Is the Key to Feeling Better” By Jennifer Chrisman
傷痛的權利: 如何面對傷痛的人 / License to Hurt: What We Really Need When We’re in Pain
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