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(視頻) Anita Moorjani 艾妮塔‧穆札尼 「你在消耗能量嗎?」/ Are We Leaking Our Energy


艾妮塔相信我們無時無刻都和生命的能源連結著。但我們不自覺中會讓一些事消耗我們的能量,導致疾病的發生,並讓我們失去自我。是那些事呢? 如何去察覺? 又如何恢復能量,為自己充電呢? 艾妮塔結合她從瀕死體驗中得到的寶貴訊息和自身的領悟,提供我們一個幸福人生的方向。

Anita believes that we are connected to source all the time but don’t always realize it. There are things we unconsciously do, as well as things we believe in, that cause us to lose energy, and as a result make us lose ourselves and lead us toward illness. What are these things? How do we become aware of them? How do we recharge ourselves? Once again, taking what she learned from her near-death experience and her own insights, Anita provides us an option to lead a happy and healthy life

喜歡嗎? 歡迎你按讚或分享,幫助更多的人!
If you like this video, consider "like" or "share" to benefit more people

內容來源: Hay House 網路廣播 / Source: Hay House Radio Show!/episode/where-are-we-leaking-our-energy

Anita's website and Facebook page:

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為什麼我不再取悅別人 / What to Do When Your Need to Please Is Ruining Your Life


文章來源 / Source: 

“We are captives of our own identities, living in prisons of our own creation.” ~Theodore Bagwell 

「我們都被自我形象所約束,活在自己創造的牢籠裏 」 ~ 基爾多‧拜格華

By Ilene S. Cohen
 作者: 艾琳‧柯恩 

Have you ever thought you had to do what other people said or they wouldn’t love you?

你可曾這樣認為 – 你必須按照別人的話去做,否則他們就不會喜歡你? 

Have you felt selfish for wanting to put your needs first, or guilty for setting limits with the people you care about?

當你想優先處理自己的事時,你會有自私的感覺嗎? 當你不想滿足你在乎的人對你的要求時,你會覺得歉疚嗎? 

Have you learned that even when you’ve complied with everyone’s wishes and whims they still weren’t happy, and you weren’t either?


Welcome to the deception of people-pleasing. Welcome to the story of my life.


There is no tragedy greater than being alive but not feeling it because you’re numb, aloof, and emotionless. For many years I lived that way, showing all the signs of being alive but never truly living. That’s because I felt a strong desire to give all of myself in order to pay back the world for everything I’d been given.


You see, I had the American Dream. I was granted many blessings, and by all accounts, I should have been happy. But I didn’t feel a thing—especially not happiness.


It took me a while to identify the missing piece that kept me from truly experiencing my life: I wasn’t living as the person I really wanted to be. I was living my life to please others, make them happy, and follow society’s rules.

我花了一些工夫才明白是什麼阻擋了我過一個真實的人生: 我沒有做自己真正想做的那個人。我活在取悅別人的日子裏,讓別人高興,遵守這個社會的遊戲規則。

I thought I was doing the right thing; I truly believed, “Eventually, all this selfless work will bring me the happiness I deserve on a silver platter.” But it never really worked out that way. It seemed the more I did, the less fulfilled I felt.

我以為我的做法是對的,我確信: 「最終,所有這些無私的奉獻會帶給我無比的快樂。」但事情並不如我所預期。似乎我奉獻得越多,我越覺得空虛。

My early life experiences shaped me into a people-pleaser. Though I was grateful for everything I was given, I was also aware that I’d been born into difficult family circumstances. Pleasing others was my way of coping with it.


Like most young children, all I wanted was to gain my parents’ attention and approval. But praise was a scarce resource in my household, and both of my parents readily doled out criticism. I quickly become aware of how my actions affected them, so I acted in approval-seeking ways and suppressed my feelings in order to avoid punishment.


I didn’t want to be criticized or berated in front of others, so I became the child, teenager, and adult of my parents’ dreams. They still found fault at times—which crushed me—but I ultimately did everything I could to make it up to them.

我不想在別人面前受到批評或斥責,所以我將自己變成父母眼中最得意的小孩、青少年和青年。他們有時還是會責怪我 -- 這讓我很傷心,但我總是會將功折罪來彌補他們。

This trap I had fallen into got deeper when my parents divorced. I tried to appease both of them by sticking myself in the middle of their marital battle and protecting my siblings from having to bear the brunt of their anger. I became my parents’ mediator, and this form of communication spiraled me into a deep depression that no one knew about but me.


I lost a lot of weight, my grades dropped in school, and I no longer found any pleasure in activities I once enjoyed. But with a brave face, I trudged along and dealt with it so that my siblings wouldn’t have to. I convinced myself that this was my way of fulfilling my duty as a daughter and avoiding criticism.


Growing up in these circumstances led me to believe I was responsible for how others felt. I learned to shape my personality, behaviors, and reactions according to what other people wanted or needed from me instead of being authentic to how I truly felt.


Because of my parents’ often extreme reactions to situations, I came to believe that I needed to change; but the truth is, their reactivity was their responsibility.


You see, we tend to call people who display this pattern of behavior people-pleasers, doormats, or approval-seekers. We describe them as being selfless. People-pleasers rarely say no, are super responsible, spend most their time doing for others, and are viewed as the nicest kinds of people.


On the surface, it can seem like being a people-pleaser is the right thing to do; but over time, this identity wears a person down, and all that pleasing turns into an unhealthy pattern of behavior that doesn’t actually end up pleasing anyone in the long run.


Your Identity 

I used to identify myself as being a good, nice, and selfless person who was always accommodating others.


When I self-identified as having certain personality attributes, it dictated my actions and led me to believe I needed to act in certain ways to match society’s standard of how a good and nice person behaves.


Even when my actions weren’t aligned with how I truly wanted to live my life, I found myself complying anyway. I worked hard to avoid looking selfish, unaccommodating, or disagreeable, and I avoided confrontation at all costs.


I stopped this pattern when I came to realize that being a good person is a lot more complex than just accommodating the needs of others all of the time.


When I realized that constantly giving in wasn’t as loving as I thought it was, and that the way I was acting didn’t come from a loving place at all but from a place of guilt and inadequacy, that’s when I decided to go from people-pleasing to living life on my own terms.


That’s when I started to evolve from selfless to self-full. That’s when I deconstructed my identity as a people-pleaser and restructured my life. That’s when I decided that living my own life was more important than my parents’ approval of me.

從那時起,我開始從「沒有自我」逐漸轉變成一個「滿足自我」的人; 我開始打破一個取悅別人的自我形象,重新建構我的生活; 我開始相信過一個屬於我的人生比贏得父母的認同重要

If the need to please has been running your life, here are some ideas to support your shift from selfless to self-full.


1. Understand that other people are responsible for themselves. 

Being a people-pleaser allowed me to overlook one important fact: other people are responsible for themselves and their own problems.

當我取悅別人時,我忽略了一項很重要的事實: 別人的事和問題應該由他們自己負責。 

Somewhere down the road I decided that other people’s problems were my problems. I believed it was my responsibility to make other people feel better. For as long as I can remember, I played the caretaker role in my life; but all it got me was a burdening sense of obligation and crippling anxiety.


It’s important for you to remember that you aren’t responsible for how others feel or act. If you try to please people because you’re scared of their reactions, that’s a sign that you need to start making a change.


You see, when you take on other people’s responsibilities, you’re allowing them to continue acting irresponsibly; you’re permitting and promoting their unhealthy patterns.


The next time you’re inclined to take on someone else’s stuff, ask yourself, Does taking on this person’s responsibilities really make me a good person? Is it actually kind to keep people from taking ownership of their own lives?

下次當你想把別人的問題攬在自己身上時,問問自己: 為這個人承擔責任會讓我變成一個好人嗎? 不讓別人為他們自己的人生負責是善意的表現嗎? 

You’re likely to find that the answer is no, and then you can explore how to be supportive without taking over completely.


2. Stop trying to keep the peace. 

I often used to wonder why I was surrounded by selfish people; from my perspective, everyone else was the problem. But on my journey to self-fullness I realized that they weren’t the problem; I was.


By trying to keep the peace in my relationships, I was overlooking the ways in which other people were taking advantage of me. I ignored their twisted priorities because I thought I should play nice all the time.


It’s important to keep in mind that sometimes the better, more loving choice is the more uncomfortable, anxiety provoking one. Truly loving behavior calls for limits, boundaries, and saying no every once in a while.


Some people will get upset with you or throw a tantrum like a two-year-old, but the cost of ignoring your boundaries is much greater than that. So stop thinking that keeping the peace is better for your relationships. The truth is it’s much better to be honest and upfront.


3. Know the consequences of seeking approval. 

Living your life through fear of criticism and rejection doesn’t allow you to truly live at all. Constantly censoring yourself doesn’t allow you to see the freedom of choice that you really have. When you’re seeking approval all the time, you aren’t really growing.


My approval-seeking behavior stemmed from a belief that my mental health depended on my being liked; if people didn’t like me, I didn’t feel worthy. The consequence of this was that my value as a person was totally dependent on what other people thought of me. Any criticism made me feel terrible about myself, so I avoided it by acting in ways that would gain others’ approval.


I finally broke this pattern by placing more value on seeking approval from myself. By figuring out who I was and what I valued, I was able to create a stronger sense of self. When you know who you are and accept yourself, other people’s criticism doesn’t bother you too much at all.


4. Become self-full. 

If you’re caught up in the people-pleasing cycle, you probably think it’s selfish to consider your needs first. Once you shift your idea of what it means to be a good person, like I did, you’ll see it isn’t selfish—but rather self-full–to put yourself first.


Much of my desire to change came from realizing that if I didn’t start valuing myself, my relationships would suffer. Although it might seem counterintuitive, prioritizing your needs and gaining a strong sense of self is actually better for other people, because it serves to strengthen the relationships you have with them.


It’s for this reason that placing your needs first is self-full rather than selfish. It’s about seeing your value and knowing your worth as a person. When you do this, others can start seeing your value also, and your relationships can start to transform.


Final Thoughts 


The journey to self-fullness is all about trial and error. It’s about making mistakes, changing your behaviors, and asserting your own decisions.


I started to feel happy and truly alive when I started to get to know myself, learning when to say no and when to set limits in my relationships. It wasn’t easy. I had to get used to some criticism and disappointment; I had to grow a stronger backbone. However, I can say without hesitation that it was worth it. And I know it will be worth it for you, too.


Your life should be lived the way you want to live it. No one should have the power over you to dictate how you need to live your life. The more you get to know who you are, and the more boldly you begin to live life on your terms, the better you’ll feel about yourself.


I no longer make decisions out of fear or wind up washed over with resentment. Now I do things for people because I want to, not because I’ll feel guilty if I don’t. I no longer need other people to make me feel worthy; I give that sense of worthiness to myself by knowing and accepting who I am.


It will serve you greatly to let go of the idea that people need saving and it’s your responsibility to do it. Somewhere down the road, you internalized the message that you have to be responsible for how others feel. But the truth is, you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s feelings but your own.


You can’t live a healthy, happy life if you’re too busy managing your feelings and other people’s feelings at the same time. Remember, people can take care of themselves. That idea will leave room for you to take care of yourself, too.


* Judy H 譯 *


💙 Be Self-Full, because your cup has to be full first before you can share it with anyone else. 

先「滿足自己」, 因為你必須先把自己的杯盛滿,才有可能和別人分享。💙

About Ilene S. Cohen

Dr. Ilene S. Cohen is a marriage and family therapist, blogger, and adjunct professor in the Barry University Department of Counseling. Dr. Ilene is passionate about helping people achieve their goals while leading a fulfilling and meaningful life. To read more of Dr. Ilene’s articles visit

關於 艾琳‧柯恩
艾琳‧柯恩博士是一位家庭婚姻冶療師和部落客,並且在貝瑞大學的諮商學系擔任兼職教授。她熱衷於幫助別人達成目標,同時過一個充實又有意義的生活。讀者可以在 讀到更多艾琳博士的文章。

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相關文章 /  You may also be interested in :

愛自己會變成自私嗎 ? (艾妮塔.穆札尼 實況問答2016-8-17 第一集) / Self-love & Selfishness (Anita Moorjani)

認識你的「心靈知己」 / Know Your "Soul Mate" 

(視頻) Anita Moorjani 艾妮塔.穆札尼 - 找回自己 / Who Am I [實況問答 9-22-2016]

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(視頻) Anita Moorjani 艾妮塔.穆札尼 - 找回自己 / Who Am I [實況問答 9-22-2016]



- 如何勇敢地做自己
- 兩性差距 (什麼樣的男人最有魅力?)
- 如何應付負面的人和情緒
- 善待自己,善待別人

In this live video aired on 9-22-2016, Anita shares her views on the following topics:

- What does it mean to live our life fearlessly?
- Gender disparity & Feminist
- How to deal with negative people and emotions
- Dr. Wayne Dyre is now everywhere :-)
- Never beat ourselves up in any situations !

原影片網址 / Source of video:

艾妮塔.穆札尼 個人網站 / More info on Anita Moorjani at:

艾妮塔網路廣播節目/ Anita's radio show:!/host/anita-moorjani

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美麗的敗筆: 所謂的成功對孩子的傷害 / Why we shouldn’t stress about our children’s academic success

By Lucy Clark
作者: 露西‧ 克拉克

文章來源 / Source

Expectations are a funny thing. We all have a sense, as we set out on the great adventure of parenthood, of our hopes for our kids. We imagine self-sustaining successful adults who, on their own thrilling adventure towards adulthood, have ticked off all the boxes that get them there: crawl at this age, walk at that age, read, write and learn times tables as the grades are ascended at exactly the right moments, get a brilliant score, go to uni, get a great job, repeat. Follow the rules, keep to the programme.

期望這件事說起來很奇怪。在我們開始走上為人父母這條路時,我們就對孩子有了一定的期望。我們期望他們將來會變成一個獨立自主的成功人士,他們會在充滿挑戰的成長過程中,按步就班地完成每一個步驟: 幾個月大時學會爬,幾個月大時學會走路,然後隨著學校年級的增加,在一定的時候學會讀寫和九九乘法表,拿到出色的成績,上大學,找到一份好工作。照這樣做就對了,好好遵守規則,跟著計畫走。 

We read all the parenting books and we know what to expect from the moment we are expecting, and beyond. Life is prescribed and if things don't quite fit perfectly, the term "the range of normal" becomes your best friend.


When she was about 14, my daughter went off the programme with extreme prejudice. She pushed back against most things, but school was the major issue - the rules, the competition, the pressure to perform, the pressure to conform.

當我女兒14歲大的時候,她就開始偏離這個成長計劃,而且非常離譜。她對很多事都很反抗,但學校是最嚴重的 – 舉凡校規、名次、學業,到服從。 

For her, it all added up to a recipe for chronic anxiety.


By the time she reached the crucial final two years of school, she was failing at everything, or feeling as if she was. Failing to hand in assignments, failing to turn up on time (or at all), failing to meet uniform requirements, failing, at every turn, to meet all the standard-markers and expectations of the education system.

到了緊要關頭的最後兩年高中,她幾乎什麼都不合格,她自己也覺得很失敗。沒辦法交作業,沒辦法準時上學 (或根本沒去),制服不合規定,所有的事她都沒有辦法符合這個教育體制的標準和要求。 

It was confronting for a self-confessed goody-two-shoes former prefect like me (why can't you just hand in the assignments on time?!), and deeply frustrating and painful to watch (wouldn't it be so much easier for you to just follow the damn rules?!). Thirty years earlier, I had ticked all the boxes, hit all my marks, played every sport possible, studied hard and did the best as I could. For me, school was a bit of a breeze; the stakes didn't feel that high.

這些對我這個自認很優秀完美的母親來說,是多麼不堪 (你就不能按時交作業嗎?!),看著這樣的女兒,我覺得很難過很心痛 (遵守那些規定有那麼難嗎?!) 三十年前,我一一完成了所有的步驟,達到所有的目標,幾乎所有的運動我都會玩,而且我努力念書,一切盡我所能。對我來說,學校還蠻輕鬆的,沒費我什麼力氣。 

And here, with my first child, I was confronted by the anti-me, not mini-me. A child who - for whatever reason - would not tick any boxes. In adults we revere disruptive thinkers - thinking "outside the box" is a trait to be admired - but in kids we want round pegs for round holes. Particularly at school.


And so there were countless threats of detention and suspension, and me in the deputy principal's office on many occasions looking for answers, trying desperately not to cry, and failing miserably every time.


It was difficult for her family, and difficult for her teachers.


But it was difficult for no one more than her.


Every day of my daughter's high school life was like an enormous mountain to climb, and very often she didn't scale it. It was a daily struggle just to get her ready to go. When she did make it to school, if she could make it past the park bench where she would sit and watch her friends continue on, the urge to flee overtook all sense. She panicked and froze while the noise of anxiety drowned out everything a teacher might be trying to teach her. She slipped further and further behind in her work; the anxiety got worse.


Expectations, hopes, and dreams were revised on a daily basis, systematically lowered to the point that by the end of school - which she desperately wanted to finish because not finishing would make her feel even more like a failure - we were just hoping that she made it through another day unscathed and unharmed, and school success be buggered. In a funny way it was liberating not to enlist in the final year of school stress programme all my friends were trapped in, and the three weeks of her final exams were the most relaxing of all her high school years; it was almost over, her freedom was in sight.

我們不斷地修正和降低對她的期待、盼望和夢想。到了高中快上完的時候 -- 她一直渴望能上完,因為如果不能上完,她會覺得自己更失敗 -- 我們只希望她能安然度過每一天,至於學業就去它的了吧。好笑的是,沒有像其他人一樣參加學校最後一年的壓力管理課程,讓我們覺得如釋重負。而期末考那三個禮拜是她上高中以來最輕鬆的一段時間。一切就要結束,自由已經不遠了。 

Looking back, I can see that these terrible years can be partly explained by my daughter's personality - her rejection of judgment of any kind, her anxiety about competition and the need for winners and losers - but it says much more about the increasing systemic pressure on kids today and she was, is, by no means alone. More and more kids are feeling anxious about school, finding the pressure too much, and reporting school stress as the source of their anxiety and depression.


And as our definitions of success become ever-more focused on academic outcomes through a narrow set of standard indicators, more and more kids feel like failures. But even those who succeed suffer too: for so many kids, the pressure is unbearable and they will find ever more disturbing pressure valves. They starve themselves until they are skin and bones, risk-take and self medicate, or they carve neat lines into their flesh.

當成功的定義變成用一套嚴苛的標準來衡量學習的成績時,越來越多的孩子會覺得自己很失敗。即使那些成功的孩子,他們也不好受: 很多孩子因為壓力太大,會藉很多可怕的途徑尋求解脫。他們把自己餓到骨瘦如柴,嘗試危險行為、嗑藥,或是在身上劃出一道道的傷痕。 

I've lost count of the number of conversations with other parents expressing confusion, dismay, and, very often, deep emotional distress about what's happening to our kids. Where does this damn pressure come from? It wasn't like this when we were kids, was it?

我不記得有多少次和其他家長分享過,我們對孩子的表現不僅感到困惑、錯愕而且非常難過。這些壓力是從那裏來的? 我們小時候並沒有這些壓力吧。

Well no, it wasn't. We can look back and recall more carefree days, a system more accepting of different types of kids, and it's not just nostalgia. In the space of a generation the pressure on kids has been ramped up, our definition of success has become pro forma, while at the same time mental health disorders are on the rise.


Add to the educational pressure the endless parade of judgment they face the minute they get online, and it's no wonder that kids are anxious.


I often think that if the internet and smart phones had been around when I was a teenager I would have developed anxiety too. But life was a low-key mix of hanging out by the creek with the local kids, of Brady Bunch re-runs and walks to the corner shops, and endless hours of boredom in our bedrooms by ourselves, being ourselves, finding ourselves. It was much, much easier to build a strong sense of self to get you through those vulnerable and excruciating teenage years.


Today kids experience more and more adult-like stresses at younger and younger ages when they don't have the resources to deal with them; if we take a compassionate view, we know that maladaptive or challenging behaviour is not the result of "naughty" children who choose to be that way, but children whose ability to cope is outstripped by the demands being placed upon them.


The precious bubble of childhood is burst to make way for a scheduled life of study, achievement, competition, and school perceived as a training ground for adulthood. This is real life, kid, you better get used to it.


And parental expectations are hard to shake. We've all internalised society's messaging about success, we don't know any other way to talk about education except in terms of grades and numbers. Even while we know that a number can't describe a child, in the race that education has become, we all want our own kids to get ahead, to have a head start. They're all gifted and talented; they should all be at the top of the class.


I'm ashamed when I look back and see how long it took me to stop challenging my daughter and start challenging the one-size-fits-all system that was, in fact, failing her.


For too long I tried to get her to join me in my own submission to the unquestioned rules, tried to get her to conform to fit a system and, in retrospect, her refusal to play the game was so much braver than my willingness to be compliant in the face of authority.


And we are mostly compliant in accepting that this is the way it is and we just have to get through it. We read books about how to help our kids cope with the pressure, but we don't actually think of reducing that pressure.


It wasn't until the moment my daughter finished school - she sent me a text, "just finished!!!!!!" when she walked out of her final (yes, failed) exam - that I could take a breath and start thinking about it.

一直到女兒結業 – 她發給我一封簡訊: 「剛剛結束了!!!!!!」 , 她走出期末考試時 (沒錯,她沒有考過) -- 我才能鬆一口氣,開始有餘力思考這些事。

As a mother I wanted to find out what had gone wrong for my daughter, not just for her sake but for her two younger brothers, too. As a journalist I started asking about what is going wrong for too many kids, about this pressure, where it comes from, and what it's for.


When I did so, I went from a world where only my child mattered into a world where every child matters, and what I learnt changed me as a thinker, and it changed me as a parent.


I never really went in for the concept of learning lessons from your kids until my daughter, my beautiful failure, taught me so much. She taught me to rethink the meaning of success, she taught me to question authority - including my own - and most importantly, she taught me that we must pay close attention to who our children are, not who we want them to be.

我從沒想過可以從孩子身上學到什麼,一直到我女兒,這個美麗的敗筆教給我這麼多東西。她教我重新思考成功的定義,她教我要質疑權威 – 包括我自己。最重要的,她教會我,我們該做的是去認識我們孩子的本性,而不是要他們成為我們所期待的人。

 * Judy H 譯 *

About Lucy Clark

Lucy Clark is the author of “Beautiful Failures: How the Quest for Success is Harming our Kids”. She is a journalist and editor with 31 years experience in newspapers and magazines in Sydney, London and New York. She has worked as a literary editor, features writer, and opinion columnist and is now a Senior Editor at Guardian Australia.


露西‧克拉克「美麗的敗筆: 追求成功對孩子的傷害」一書的作者。她是位資深新聞業者和編輯,有31年的從業經驗,曾任職雪梨、倫敦和紐約的報社和雜誌社。她擔任過文學編輯、專欄作家和社論作家,目前是澳洲「衛報」 的資深編輯。

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