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轉念遇到愛 (一) / Turn Around and Find Love (Part I)

也許我們渴望得到別人的認同是因為,在我們內心深處我們已先對他們有愛? 這份愛的能量只是被尋求認同的自我中心意識所掩蓋。也許這是為什麼我們越愛一個人,我們越希望得到他們的認同? 
Is it possible that the reason we seek other people’s approval is because deep in us, we have love for them first? The love is just obscured by the dominating ego to win people’s approval. Maybe this is why that the more we love a person, the stronger our desire to have their approval?

~ Judy H


文章來源 / Source:

By Grace Bell
作者: 葛蕾思‧培爾

Dear Inquirers,


Yesterday I received a call from the company who rented a lodge to me last weekend asking if I had seen a couple of items that belonged in the kitchen.

昨天我接到一通電話, 是上周末把小木屋租給我的那家公司打來的,問我有沒有看到廚房裏的兩件物品。 

I recognized them immediately. They were in my home, instead of where they should be back in the kitchen lodge. I thought they were left at the lodge by friends and family.


An innocent mistake, and easy to return the items....

一個無心的過失,很輕易就可以物歸原主 …. 

And yet, here came that little idea in the mind "she thought I was stealing, I should have been more careful, now we have to drive 2 hours to return them, we've left a bad impression..."


The urge to impress others enters our consciousness in such subtle little moments. There is a fear that those people out there won't approve of us, don't like us, aren't agreeing with us. We become afraid that we'll be rejected, even by a look, a comment, a thought.


In her book I Need Your Love, Is It True? Byron Katie talks about the quick automatic response that many of us have to say "Excuse Me!" or "Sorry!" to strangers, to apologize, to make sure they are thinking well of us.


What would be the worst that could happen if we didn't have good manners? If we didn't explain ourselves? If we didn't defend ourselves or try to make a good impression?


What if you weren't concerned with what others think and you simply responded to a situation truthfully and authentically?


In my imagination I have believed that if someone thought I was rude, immature, immoral, mean, selfish or that I don't care about them...then they might hurt me.

在我的想像裏,我曾經認為如果有人覺得我態度不好、不成熟、不道德、卑鄙、 自私或不關心別人,他們可能會讓我受到傷害。 

They would leave me or attack me. They would punish me. They would tell other people how awful I am and those people would also separate from me. They would never rent the lodge to me again!!


If someone thought I behaved terribly, then I should feel guilt, shame, embarrassment and sadness. If someone didn't like me or thought I did something wrong (like steal a bowl from the kitchen) then I deserved their suspicion or wrath. My fault.

如果有人認為我的行為不當,我應該覺得歉疚、羞愧、難為情、傷心。如果有人不喜歡我或認為我做錯了事 (像是偷了廚房的碗),我就該被他們懷疑和責難。是我的錯。

Ultimately, I would be alone burning in a fiery pit. Hell. If they thought I was a bad person, then I was.


I remember when my former husband told me he was moving out. I was overwhelmed with the thought that I was worthy of being left. I was terrified, then furious, but crushed because I instantly believed it must be true.


Who was the one who believed that thought that I was unworthy? Me. 

是誰相信了這個念頭,認為我一文不值? 是我自己。 

A simple question is asked. Someone says "Did you take my thing?" and FEAR is the response. Someone says "When were you going to clean up this mess?" or "I thought you were spending the evening with me" or "We need to talk" and we're on alert.

有人問了一個簡單的問題: 「你拿了我的東西嗎?」我們的反應是恐懼。有人說「你什麼時候才會去收拾乾淨?」或「我以為你今晚會陪我的」或「我們需要談一談」,我們會立刻提高警覺。

The solution? Sit down and question the belief "I want them to like me, I want them to approve of me"...."I did something wrong".

有什麼解決方法嗎? 讓我們坐下來質疑這個念頭:「我要他們喜歡我,我要他們接受我」 …「我做錯了事」。 

When you turn these concepts around, you do not have to fear that you will be a cold, disinterested, rude or uncaring person. You will find that what is true is that you want to approve of THEM and to like THEM, even when they are apparently confronting you or expressing criticism.


I want to accept every word, situation, action as reality and bring love to it. I want to love, not hate.


Most of all, I want to approve of myself and like myself. I am my most important relationship, after all.


Here's the wonderful thing: your most deeply truthful and automatic response to others asking you questions, or communicating with you about something worrisome, or confronting you when they are love.

(有了這份轉念後) 最棒的是: 當別人來質問你,向你過問一件不安的事,或生氣地來責問你時,你內心深處最真實的當下反應會是 …. 愛。

 "Who would you be without the thought that you need to seek approval? You might be someone who just lives your life and lets people form whatever impressions they want to form---of you and of everyone else. That's what they're all doing anyway."~ Byron Katie

「如果你沒有想讓別人接受你的念頭,你會是誰? 你也許就是過你自己的日子,隨便他們怎麼看你或其他人。反正他們總是會有自己的想法。」 ~ 拜倫‧凱蒂 

The only thing that is stressful in any situation with another person is my thinking. Without believing the thoughts that I need them to have a good impression of me, I am free. 


I find advantages in how other people are. I love them being who they are, I love myself. I am ready for the next step, it's a big adventure.


Here I am, not believing my stressful thoughts. Happy. Planning a fun drive back to the lodge to return the missing stuff.




About Grace Bell

Grace Bell first encountered a need to heal from very painful thinking when still a teenager. This started a journey of self-discovery, seeking, riding a roller-coaster of emotions and thoughts, and studying. She received several therapy treatments in the 1980’s and eventually became a therapist and counselor herself following her studies in the graduate school and completion of a number of training programs. She joined a Course In Miracles study group over a period of 20 years. In 2008 Grace graduated from both the Certification Program for The Work of Byron Katie with The Institute for The Work after many hours of training and attendance over three years, and Accomplishment Coaching, a one-year Life Coach Certification program. Grace has since helped many people from all over the world.



* Judy H 譯 *

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如果能了解那宇宙之愛 (艾妮塔) / If Only We Knew We Are Loved (Anita Moorjani) 

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有違常理的自私 / Radical Selfishness

"When you are fully loved, you will love your brothers and sisters and the trees and oceans, too."


By Jason Garner
作者: 傑森‧蓋納 

文章來源 / Source:

We live in a time of saving things. We spend much of our time and thoughts focused on how to fix the things, people, and world around us. This act of going out into the world and fixing its perceived problems is often viewed as selfless and sacred service. And in so many ways, it is. Putting our own needs aside and helping those in need can be a beautiful act of courage.


But I wonder, at the same time, if it’s also a mask. I wonder if by constantly looking outward and finding things to fix we’ve become a society that doesn’t know how to look inside and love what we find. I wonder if it’s the world that needs saving, or if the world is simply expressing what so many of us feel inside. I wonder if we’ve so ignored the little voice inside asking for love that the Universe feels compelled to scream at us in the form of war, disease, and planetary disasters. And I wonder if it’s even possible to save the hearts of the world when so many of us are nursing broken hearts ourselves.


I know these questions carry a great deal of emotional complexity. I know that each of us is doing our best, so when questions like this surface it’s easy to feel attacked. So let’s breathe together a few times and open up to an honest conversation from loving hearts.


I have a friend with debilitating cancer who’s in extreme pain, the kind of pain that causes me to ponder what kind of universe allows such things to happen to its people. She’s suffering is a way that makes it nearly impossible to find a lesson or any good in it. And yet she called me the other day to see how I was doing. I had to think a while before answering truthfully, “I’m good.” It almost seemed unfair for me to be feeling good in the midst of her suffering. I know that by focusing on others my friend is coping with her own pain, and I suppose that’s probably a good thing. But still I wonder if it’s also part of the cause of her disease. Has a lifetime of putting her own feelings last manifested itself in a body with a disease that now requires my friend to focus on herself or die? Is this the purpose of her disease — a sad, tired and abandoned body finally finding a tragic way to be heard?

我有位朋友罹患癌症,身體很虛弱,並且承受極大的痛苦。那種痛苦不禁讓我想問,是什麼樣的宇宙會讓這種事發生在它子民的身上。那種痛苦也幾乎談不上可以用任何領悟或意義來合理化。不過她卻在前幾天打電話來問我好不好。我必須思考一下才能誠實地回答她:「我很好。」我幾乎覺得,面對她的痛苦,我的好心情是件不公平的事。我知道我的朋友是藉著關心別人來面對她自己的病痛。我想這樣也許是件好事。不過我仍不禁懷疑這是否是她生病的原因之一。也許是一輩子將自己的感受放在最後,這個結果現在必須用生病的方式來呈現,強迫這位朋友正視她自己的需要,否則就要面對死亡? 也許這是她生病的目的 -- 一個疲憊可憐被忽視的身體,最後必須用這種悲劇的方式來得到關心? 

My wife, Dr. Christy, and I attended a gathering recently of some of the world’s leading teachers and activists. We gathered to discuss the condition of the planet and what we could do to help. Throughout the gathering, as people became acquainted with Christy’s amazing work as a healer, they would — one by one — come and ask her a medical question about themselves. These questions reflected their tragic and deeply saddening state of health. By the end of a gathering focused on healing the planet, it was clear to me that what truly needed healing was its participants. While these beautiful souls spent their days traveling the world sharing love, they had forgotten to love themselves.


This is true everywhere we look.


We use words like “sacrifice,” “execution,” and “make a killing” to describe the efforts and rewards of business. While those words began as metaphors they have become reality in a business climate that is sick, tired, and finds rest only on the operating tables and in the recovery rooms of our hospitals. As parents we have heaped so many conditions on being good moms and dads that it’s nearly impossible to succeed. We make it our responsibility to please bosses, teachers, administrators, friends, and family members and then try to find time in the midst of that pressure to love our kids. Our children, under the same pressure, are faced with an avalanche of information, and an antiquated educational system, and a lack of jobs, and then are told to “make something of themselves.” And we wonder why it’s easier to save a whale.

我們經常用這些字眼「獻祭 (犧牲)」、「行刑 (執行計畫)」 和「大開殺戒 (獲取暴利)」來形容商場上的搏命和報酬。但如今在這個令人厭惡和疲憊的商業競爭裏,這些原本譬喻性的字眼已經變成事實,人們唯一得到喘息的機會是躺在醫院的手術檯上或病房裏。身為父母的我們,汲取了一大堆的父母經,要成為成功的父母越來越難。我們還要像盡義務似地去取悅我們的上司、老師、主任、朋友和家人,然後在百忙中抽空去愛我們的孩子。我們的孩子們也有同樣的壓力,他們要面對如山倒海的資訊、一個過時的教育系統和工作機會的短缺,在這樣的條件下,我們期待他們要「出人頭地」。難怪去救一隻鯨魚都要容易得多了。 

My teacher Sharon Salzberg once asked the Dalai Lama how he dealt with self-hatred. He looked at her puzzled, not because he didn’t understand her language but because he didn’t understand the concept. After much back and forth with various translators and explanations of the question, it became clear that he had never experienced the feeling of self-loathing. For him, it didn’t exist.

我的老師 雪倫.薩爾茲堡 有次問達賴喇嘛如何面對自我憎恨。他不解地看著雪倫,並不是因為他不懂她的語言,而是他不懂這個概念,好幾個人必須來來回回幫忙解釋這個問題。很明顯地他從來沒有經歷過自我厭惡的感覺。對他來說,這種事根本不存在。

But for us it does … and often it’s the norm.


So back to the title of this post — Radical Selfishness — and the questions I posed at the beginning. Is this world we are working so hard to save a manifestation of the large part of us all that needs saving itself? Can we heal the world without healing ourselves? Will there ever be global love when we can’t even love ourselves?

現在回到本文的題目: 有違常理的自私,以及本文一開始我提出的問題。這個我們致力於拯救的世界是否反映了我們多數人需要被拯救的事實? 在我們療癒自己之前,我們有可能療癒這個世界嗎? 如果我們連自己都不愛,我們可能去創造一個全球性的愛嗎? 

Perhaps this focus we’ve placed on fixing and healing and saving is misplaced. Perhaps, like the Dalai Lama, the prescribers of this “save the world” philosophy assumed, however incorrectly, that we had already done the business of saving ourselves. Maybe we need to be a little more selfish.


It’s funny what a radical idea that is, right? How saying the word “selfish” is such a controversial topic. I’m sure I’ll get plenty of responses to this post explaining how misguided I am and that I don’t understand. And maybe I don’t. But one thing I learned in business is that extinction comes from continually doing something that’s not working. And as I look around the world, from my mom to the business people I know to the activists I’ve met, we are suffering from a lack of self-love. And that’s why, perhaps, the word selfish is so scary.

這個想法聽起來很不合常理吧? 「自私」這個字一向惹人爭議。我確信這篇文章貼出去後會引發很多迴響,告訴我我是如何地大錯特錯,搞不清楚狀況。也許我是。不過我在企業界學到一件事,一再使用一個沒有用的方法只會帶來毀滅。就我對這個世界的觀察,從我的母親和我認識的企業家到我遇到的改革人士,我知道我們的問題出在缺乏對自己的愛。也許是因為如此,「自私」這個字聽起來才會如此驚悚。

We think so little of our own self worth that we assume if we focused on ourselves and our own well being that the world would be worse off. We actually believe that buried inside us all is a greedy little monster who just cares about itself. But the evidence, as demonstrated by how we treat ourselves, tells a different story. We don’t care about ourselves … and that’s what’s killing us and our planet in aggregate. Our lack of care for ourselves has manifested itself in an unloved world. So a community of people who don’t know how to love themselves “save things” in an attempt to bypass looking in the mirror and in our hearts and loving the scared and lonely being inside.


We deserve better. We deserve to be loved. Breathe and take that in. You, exactly as you are, sitting there reading this article, deserve to be loved. You don’t have to save or fix or change a thing. You deserve to be loved. Breathe…

我們值得更好的待遇。我們值得被愛。吸一口氣,好好想一想。你 -- 就是你 -- 此刻坐在這裏讀這篇文章的你,值得被愛。你不必去拯救或改變任何事。你值得被愛。放鬆地吸一口氣吧… 

This week I invite you to stop. I invite you to consider the areas where you help and fix and save others while disregarding your own needs. I invite you to believe you are a beautiful, amazing spark of the divine who when healthy is a blessing to this planet and all who inhabit it. I invite you to love yourself and trust that when you are fully loved you will love your brothers and sisters and the trees and oceans too. And most importantly I invite you to breathe, and to send this message of love that dwells in the breath to each and every cell of your body: “I am here for you. I will never leave you alone. Together we will love ourselves and others.”

這個星期我邀請你停下腳步。我邀請你想一想在那些方面你幫助、修復和拯救了別人,卻忽略了自己的需要。我邀請你開始相信,你是來自天界的一個美麗出色的璀燦之星,你的健康就是地球和它所有子民的福氣。我邀請你開始愛你自己,並且相信當你可以全心全意地愛自己時,你也會愛你的兄弟姐妹、樹木和海洋。最重要的是,我邀請你放鬆地吸一口氣,隨著你的呼吸將這個愛的訊息帶到你全身的每個細胞: 「我隨時在你身邊。我永遠不會丟下你。讓我們一起共同愛自己和別人吧!」 

Big hugs of love,


About Jason Garner

Jason Garner is a husband, father, former Fortune 500 company executive, and spiritual student who spent the first 37 years of his life working his way up from flea market parking attendant to CEO of Global Music at Live Nation (the world's largest concert promoter) - never taking a breath in the belief that to be loved he had to be the best. He has worked with rock stars and sports legends and was twice named to Fortune magazine's list of the top 20 highest-paid executives under 40.


傑森‧蓋納是一位人夫、父親和前「財星」雜誌500強企業的執行長,並且是一位靈修學生。在前37年的人生中,他從一個跳蚤市場的停車場小弟爬升至「全球理想國演藝」公司 (世界最大的音樂會行銷公司) 的總裁。這一路走來,他始終相信唯有做到最好,他才能得到別人的愛戴。他曾經和搖滾歌手和體育名人合作過,並且曾兩度進入「財星」雜誌前20名40歲以下企業經理人的高薪名單。 

His second divorce and the sudden death of his mother from stomach cancer caused Jason to re-evaluate what mattered in life ... and to finally breathe. He has spent thousands of hours sitting cross-legged with Masters of body, mind and spirit including learning from the monks at the Shaolin Temple in the mountains of China.

他第二次的離婚和罹患胃癌母親的驟逝讓傑森重新思考人生的價值… 終於他想通了。之後他花了數千小時的時間跟隨身心靈大師盤腿靜坐,包括和中國少林寺的師父學習。 

My Story / 傑森自述 

I spent my first 37 years running through life holding my breath. Raised by a single mom, moving from house to house, working really hard in school and later in business, believing that to be loved I had to be the best.

我戰戰驚驚地度過前半段37年的人生 -- 被單親媽媽帶大,搬了一次又一次的家,我努力學業,為事業奮鬥,因為我相信唯有做到最好,我才配得到別人的愛。 

I scrapped my way from a weekend job at a flea market to owning my own concert company and all the way to becoming an executive at a Fortune 500 company. I was married twice, divorced twice, raised two children largely on my own, met rock stars and sports legends, made a bunch of money and then … a series of events centered around the sudden death of my mom brought my life to a halt and my ego to its knees.

我一生白手起家,從周末跳蚤市場的零工,到創立自己的音樂會公司,到後來變成「財星」雜誌500強企業的執行長。我結過兩次婚,離過兩次婚,一手帶大兩個孩子,和搖滾巨星和體育名將合作過,賺了很多錢… 然後一連串的事件,尤其是我母親的驟世,讓我的腳步停下來,讓我的自負跌到谷底。 

I took a break from the endless treadmill of my life and got to know myself at the feet of amazing teachers. I studied health and spirituality and the inner-workings of my mind, I met the woman of my dreams, and, for the first time in my life … I breathed.

我將手邊永無止盡的工作停下來,來到大師的跟前學習認識自己。我學習健康的知識和心靈的功課,探究我內在的思考活動,我遇到了我的夢中情人,而且頭一次在我的人生中… 我可以喘一口氣。

That is what this site is about – the perspectives gained by the lessons learned on my journey, and what I continue to discover along the way.

這就是我網頁的內容 – 它包含了我在過去人生旅途上學到的功課以及未來還會有的新發現。 

I have learned that life can be a meditation. I believe that every day, everywhere, every act in our life is an opportunity to express our love for others by loving ourselves. I believe that we will change the world only by caring for ourselves, because only a loved soul can shine light on others.


I have learned that we can have money and happiness. I believe that we can be enlightened from wherever we sit, whether that’s an office or an ashram. I believe spirituality is alive in business and business is alive in spirituality and it’s time to recognize the value of both in this world.


And most importantly, I know that all is well because we are not alone. We have been perfectly placed here at this moment for this opportunity to experience life together.


* Judy H 譯 * 

分享這篇文章 就是分享愛
Share love by sharing this article ❤ 

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愛自己會變成自私嗎 ? (艾妮塔.穆札尼 實況問答2016-8-17 第一集) / Self-love & Selfishness (Anita Moorjani)

愛自己 - 讓這個世界更美 (艾妮塔.穆札尼) / Loving Yourself Makes The World A Better Place (Anita Moorjani) 

(視頻) 艾妮塔.穆札尼 - 人間天堂之路 (中文字幕) / What If This Is Heaven

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