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心理的故事: 我在抗拒什麼 ? Give Your Resisting Thought A Chance

Give Your Resisting Thought A Chance


 
By Judy H

幾個月前,一位十四年沒見的朋友傳來簡訊,說她會來我住的這一帶旅遊,如果方便的話希望和我見上一面。我看到這個訊息的第一個反應是: 哦,天哪,怎麼會 … ?

A few months ago, a friend of mine whom I had not seen for 14 years told me in a text message that she would be traveling to this area where I lived and would like to meet with me if I happened to be in town. The first thought I had when I saw this message was: Oh no, what am I going to do?

我和這位朋友其實不熟。十四年前我們一起上過繪畫課兩個月,從此再也沒見過面。雖然班上同學現在已分散到世界各地,不少人還保持聯絡,最近甚至成立了一個網路聊天小組保持聯絡。但我和這位要來訪的「同學」除了在網上大家偶爾交流一下,其實沒什麼交情。

This friend was not close to me. We were in the same painting class for a couple of months 14 years ago and had never met since then. Though many of us in the class, now living in different parts of the world, had stayed in contact with each other and recently formed an online chatting group which we both joined, my relationship with this “classmate” was nothing more than  a “virtual” one in a group.

除了看到簡訊時那個抗拒的念頭,接下來我開始擔心: 我們十四年沒見了,有什麼話可講? 這麼多年沒見,我現在看起來是什麼模樣? 她會不會覺得我老好多? 我家看起來會不會太寒酸? 也許該把客廳的茶几布換一下? 總之,我「心理上」覺得和這位朋友碰面不會是件愉快的事,我只是要應付一下,越快結束越好。

Following my first reaction to my friend’s text message, I started to have other worrying thoughts: we have not met for 14 years, what are we going to talk about? How would I look to her after so many years? Would she think that I look older than my age? Would my home be too modest to her? Should I change the coffee table cloth? Overall, I decided “in my mind” that the meeting with this friend would not be a pleasant one; it would just be a show that I needed to put on and get over with as soon as possible.

我有兩個選擇。如果我覺得真的很不想和這位朋友碰面,我可以「善待自己」,找個藉口告訴她,她來此地的期間我不會在家。但是,我感覺內心有個很小的聲音在告訴我: 「也許你的想法並不正確。」

I had two choices. I could tell a white lie that I would not be available during her visit if I believed that the get-together would be very uncomfortable for me and I should not force myself to go, if I loved myself. However, there was a tiny voice in my head trying to tell me : “Maybe what you think is not true.”

我選擇了聽從那個微小正面的聲音。

Somehow I gave in to that little positive voice.

我一直很擔心我們會沒有話講。的確,剛開始見面寒喧時有十分鐘不太自在,但那個感覺沒有持續太久,接下來我們暢談了三個小時。我們有十多年的事可以分享,午餐的時間實在太短。吃過飯後,我邀請她到家裏坐坐,喝杯茶再多聊一會兒,一直到她必須離開赴下一場的約會,我們才分手。

I was worried about having little to talk about. The first 10 minutes at the restaurant was a little uncomfortable as we greeted each other. But that discomfort quickly dissipated and followed by three hours of a joyful conversation. It turned out that we had a lot to catch up and the lunch was just too short. I ended up taking her home to have a sip of tea so that we could talk a little bit more before she had to leave for her next appointment.

我們是不是經常做這樣的事 把事情想得很壞,但實際上沒有那麼糟糕?

Don’t many of us do this all the time – thinking that things would be bad when they actually turned out to be much better ? 

我覺得這種心理上的抗拒,包括和這位朋友碰面和其他狀況,是因為過去不愉快的經驗在心理上形成了一個習慣性的負面反應。這種負面的反應模式其實是為了保護我不再受到其他的傷害或不愉快的情緒,但這種反應的確也讓我變得退縮,讓我失去很多獲得人生樂趣和自我成長的機會。

I think my resistance to meeting with this friend and in other situations came from my conditioned pattern of negative thinking that was created and reinforced over the years by unpleasant experiences I had in the past. I began to see that the negative thinking pattern works as a mechanism to protect me from being hurt or experiencing uncomfortable feelings, but it actually holds me back many times from opportunities or challenges that I may enjoy or help me to grow as a person.

下次當我心理再有類似的抗拒反應時,我想這樣問自己: 
 --           這個負面的念頭它合理有根據嗎?
-- 如果我採信了這個負面的念頭,而結果也真的如我想得一樣糟,我會有什麼損失也許有段短時間我會感到不太舒服,但果真如此,我是不是可以選擇放下這種感覺,讓它很快地過去? 
-- 我可以用一個好奇的心理去面對這個狀況,去發掘它會帶給我什麼驚喜嗎?

Next time I find myself experiencing some kind of resistance, I think I am going to ask myself:
-- Is the negative thought justified? 
-- If I believe in my negative thought and it turns out to be just as bad, what do I have to lose?
-- Could it be just a few moments of awkwardness that I could let go quickly if they did happen?
-- Can I handle the situation with a sense of curiosity to find out what it has in store for me?

你覺得這些問題也可以幫助你放開自己去面對生活上的挑戰嗎?

Do you think these questions would help you open up to new challenges in your life as well?


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