"Self-love requires you to be honest about your current choices and thought patterns and undertake new practices that reflect self-worth.” ~Caroline Kirk
「愛自己 - 需要你誠實地面對你目前的選擇和思考模式，然後採取一個可以反映你自我價值的新方法。」~ 凱洛琳‧柯爾克
By Banu Sekendur
作者: 芭妮‧賽肯多
If one more person told me to go love myself I was going to levitate into the air and pull one of those impossible martial arts moves from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I was sick of it!
如果再有人告訴我要愛自己，我要躍入空中，使出電影「臥虎藏龍」裏最詭異的招式來對付他。我已經聽厭了!
What the heck does loving myself mean? Were they talking about bubble baths, pedicures, and cucumber masks? It turns out there is so much more to self-love than just pampering ourselves. I found this out the hard way.
到底「愛自己」是什麼意思? 是指來個泡泡浴，做美趾還是黃瓜面膜嗎? 其實「愛自己」的範圍很廣，不只是寵愛自己一下而已。我吃了些苦頭才把它弄明白。
About a year and a half ago, I almost died after a bad breakup. I had devoted so much of my energy to making the relationship work that I had completely neglected my own needs, and had given away my power and my responsibility for happiness.
大約一年半前，一場分手幾乎讓我死去。為了讓我的戀情開花結果，我費盡九牛二虎之力，置我自己的需求於不顧，將我快樂的權力和責任拱手讓人。
As I wrote about here, when I finally developed the courage to end an addictive and painful relationship, I had to live with the effects of lack of self-love.
如我下面所形容的，當我終於鼓足勇氣結束那段難以割捨的痛苦戀情後，我要面對的是不愛自己的結果。
I struggled to eat, sleep, or continue my daily functioning. I spent every waking hour to myself, trying to understand how and why I had gotten there. I had to know, because whatever it was, if I did not attend to it, this was going to be the end of the road for me. I knew it.
我想辦法讓自己吃東西睡覺，維持每天的正常作息。我把所有的時間花在和自己相處，想了解我是如何把自己搞到這步田地。不管是什麼原因，我必須弄明白，如果我現在不去探索，我會永遠困在人生的死胡同裏。這點我很清楚。
I made mixed media collages, journaled, watched The Notebook five more times, cried, and called up friends to keep me company while I ate my few bites each day.
於是我製作混合媒體拼貼，寫心情日記，把電影「手札情緣」再看了五遍，哭紅了眼，然後每天打電話給朋友，讓他們陪我勉強吃幾口飯。
During this whole time, I found places in my story where I was not present to my own life, my body or my spirit. I was just there. I found the places where I had abandoned myself and then gotten mad at the other person for not meeting my needs.
在這段過程中，我發現在我的生命故事裏，不論是生活、身體還是精神方面我都沒有活出自己。雖然我現身在故事裏，但我常常棄自己於不顧，然後為對方沒有顧及我的需要而發脾氣。
The truth was, I did not have a big enough inner container to hold the love I so desired even if I received it, because my self-love tank had shrunk down to the size of a bottle cap.
其實，就算我得到了我所渴求的愛，我也沒有一個夠大的容器來容納它，因為我那個愛自己的容器已經縮到像瓶蓋那個小。
It finally became very clear to me that there was one core reason I had gotten there: I did not know anything about self-love.
我終於明白為什麼我會走到這步田地: 因為我不懂得愛自己。
This realization launched me into a relentless search for the meaning of self-love, internally and externally.
這個發現讓我開始拼命去搜尋「愛自己」的意義，包括它內在和外在的意思。
I found that self-love is a not a destination; it’s a practice. Self-love is the foundation on which we build a happy life. Without self-love, we have nowhere to put the love or abundance that comes to us.
我發現「愛自己」並不是一個我們要到達的目的地，它是一種生活方式。「愛自己」是幸福生活的基礎。如果我們不愛自己，我們就無法容納生命給我們的愛和豐盛。
Not sure what it looks like to love yourself? Here is what I’ve learned. Self-love is…
如果你不確定愛自己是什麼意思，以下是我的領悟。愛自己就是…
1. Choosing ourselves, even if it means upsetting others and not being popular anymore. Even if it means we leave a party before anyone else because we feel tired, overwhelmed, or just plain feel done with the crowd.
1. 永遠選擇自己，即使這樣做會讓別人不高興，讓我們變成不受歡迎; 即使它意味著我們要先行離開一場聚會，因為我們覺得累了，乏了，或僅僅因為我們覺得已經玩夠了。
2. Telling what is true for us, not swallowing words that express what we truly feel, think, or want to do.
2. 說真心話，不要嚥下表達我們真正感覺、想法或意圖的話。
3. Giving our body the nurturing, rest, exercise, and comfort it needs to the best of our ability.
3. 盡可能提供我們身體需要的滋養、休息、運動和舒適。
4. Wearing clothes that make us feel good and fit our personality instead of wearing clothes that are in fashion that we use to impress others.
4. 穿著我們喜歡和合適我們個性的衣服，而不是為了趕時髦或出風頭。
5. Building a life that we love while we are single instead of waiting for our prince/princess to show up to explore life and to be happy.
5. 建構一個我們喜愛的單身生活，而不是要等到我們的王子或公主出現才能一起享受人生和快樂。
6. Accepting ourselves with the good, the bad, the ugly, the sexy, and the smelly—all of it—and appreciating ourselves as whole people.
6. 接受自己所有的一切 — 好的、壞的、醜的、性感的、難受的，而且視自己是個健全的人。
7. Making time to do whatever we love, just to play, without worrying about wasting time.
7. 花時間做我們喜歡的事，像玩耍一般，而不要認為是浪費時間。
8. Owning our inner and outer beauty and complimenting ourselves without feeling guilty, arrogant, or entitled.
8. 接受我們內在和外在的美，讚美自己而不覺得內疚、自大或理所當然。
9. Not rehashing our past mistakes and dragging ourselves to a dark place when we know that we can only learn from the past; we can’t change it.
9. 不要對過去的錯誤耿耿於懷，讓自己陷入黑暗的地洞裏。明白我們只能從過去中學習但無法改變過去。
10. Spending some quality, connected time with ourselves instead of always watching TV or wasting time on the Internet.
10. 花時間和自己交心，不要老是看電視或上網漫遊。
11. Using discretion when sharing our heart, self, and dreams with others.
11. 考慮斟酌是否要和別人分享我們的心事、私密和夢想。
12. Trusting the path that our soul is on and making a genuine effort to become a conscious co-creator of our destiny.
12. 相信我們心靈所選擇的道路，並且全心全意配合它一起共創未來。
13. Not blaming our parents for our current issues, and looking for ways to heal our wounds and change our dysfunctional patterned behaviors by reaching out to ministers, therapists, coaches, and healers.
13. 不要為我們現在面臨的問題責怪父母。向神職人員、治療專家、生活教練或療癒師尋求協助，找到療癒我們和改變不健康行為模式的方法。
14. Following what our gut/intuition says instead of living out of our brain and ego.
14. 跟隨內在的感覺和直覺，不要一直活在大腦和自我的意識裏。
15. Staying in our integrity, both when it comes to ourselves and when interacting with others out in the world. This includes keeping ourselves in check regarding patterns such as lying, manipulating, co-depending, withholding, and pretending.
15. 過誠信的生活，不管是對自己還是和別人打交道時。這包括儘量不要說謊、耍手段、病態依賴(關係成癮)、保留和虛偽。
16. Allowing ourselves to dream big, without contaminating these dreams with judgments, our perceived limitations, or a lack of sense of deserving.
16. 允許自己懷抱遠大的夢想，不要讓評斷、限制性的想法或小看自己的念頭沾染你的夢想。
17. Knowing how we’re spending our emotional, mental, financial, and physical energy, and whether these activities bring back joy, connection, nurturing, rest, and creativity to our lives.
17. 覺察我們平時如何消耗自己情緒、心理、財物和身體的能量，以及那些活動是否為我們的人生帶來喜悅、意義、滋養、休息和創意。
18. Taking responsibility for all of our experiences. Knowing that we have the ability for deeper self-awareness and access to our intuition when it comes to making life choices.
18. 為自己所有的經驗負責。明白我們有更深的自我覺察和直覺的能力來幫助我們做生活中的抉擇。
19. Not labeling ourselves with others’ opinions of us, while having the courage to look inside to see if there might be some truth to them.
19. 不要買單別人對我們的看法，但有利用它作自我省思的勇氣。
20. Learning to set boundaries that protect and nurture our relationships, with ourselves and others.
20. 學習劃定界限，來保護並培養我們和自己以及和別人的關係。
21. Allowing ourselves to make mistakes and not berating ourselves for making them. Instead, choosing to appreciate our desire to learn and grow.
21. 容許自己犯錯，不要苛責自己。反之，欣賞自己學習進取的態度。
22. Refusing to seek permission or approval to be ourselves. Recognizing that we, like everyone else, deserve to take up space on this planet just as who we are right now.
22. 做自己不需要別人的批准或認同。了解我們和其他人一樣，值得以我們本來的面貌在這個地球上佔有一席之地。
And lastly, self-love is:
最後，「愛自己」是:
23. Loving and accepting ourselves even when we fail miserably at some of these self-love goals.
23. 即使無法做到以上這些愛自己的目標，我們仍然珍愛並接受自己。
No one else can offer these things to us. No one else can take our vitamins for us or prevent us from going into a self-loathing attack.
沒有人可以給我們這些東西，就像沒有人可以替我們服用維他命或免除自我厭惡的傷害。
Even if we land the best partner on the planet, this person won’t be able to make us happy and feel loved unless we create the space for it inside by practicing self-love. This is why self-love is an inside job.
即使我們遇到了地球上最合適自己的伴侶，如果我們沒有先學會愛自己，在心裏創造一個接受愛的空間，這個人也無法讓我們覺得幸福快樂。這是為什麼愛自己要從自己的內心做起。
From my heart to your heart…
真心地祝福你們 …
* Judy H 譯 *
文章來源 / Source:
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/what-self-love-means-20-ways-be-good-to-yourself/
圖片 / Photo: Pixabay
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About Banu Sekendur
Banu Sekendur is an Intuitive Coach for Business and Life. After two decades of running from one healer to another, she became the coach she needed when she was going through hell. She will give her last breath helping people discover, own, and live who they are. You can connect with her on Facebook and her website workwithbanu.com.
關於芭妮‧賽肯多
芭妮‧賽肯多是一位個人和企業的直覺感教練。二十年來經歷不同的治療師後，她最終成為自己最好的生活教練。她致力於幫助別人發現、接受並活出自己。有興趣的人可以上她的臉書或網站workwithbanu.com。
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為什麼我不再取悅別人 / What to Do When Your Need to Please Is Ruining Your Life
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