By Judy H
那天我到農夫市場去買些蔬菜和水果，看到有個攤位上有一堆的帶殼花生。不一會兒工夫，我已經加入一群正埋頭專心挑選花生的顧客。每個人都在重覆做同樣的事: 拿起一顆花生，瞧一下，然後決定它是否夠格被放入我們手中的塑膠帶裏。可以想見用這種方式，我們每個人得花上一段時間才能在袋子裏放滿足夠的花生。
I was shopping for vegetables and fruits at the farmer’s market one day. Then I saw a stand that had a large pile of raw peanuts with shell. Very soon I found myself in a group of shoppers who were burying their heads picking the peanuts. Each of us was doing the same thing: picking up a peanut, examining it, and deciding where it was good enough to go into our plastic bag. You can imagine that it could take each shopper a while before we could collect a good amount of peanuts in our bag.
挑到一半的時候，我大概有些不耐了，脫口而出: 「這還真花時間!」
I couldn’t help making a comment while I was trying to fill up my bag: “Boy, this certainly takes time.”
「是啊，不過時間不就是拿來花的嗎?」旁邊一位也在挑花生的先生說。
“Yeah, but that is what time is for - to spend it ?” a gentleman in our peanut group responded.
「你說的一點沒錯。」我同意地笑出來了。
“You’re so right.” I agreed with a smile.
當下我意識到，我一定是覺得挑花生是件「浪費」時間的事。但是這位先生的回答，似乎是在提醒我: 不對，你不在浪費時間，你正在過生活。隨遇而安吧!
At that moment, I became aware that I must be thinking I was “wasting” my time picking the peanuts. But this gentleman, by the way he responded, seemed to be reminding me: Nope, you’re not wasting your time. You’re experiencing your life - let it be!
當我覺得我在浪費時間時，我是在批評自己把時間用在不恰當的地方。我認為我當時「不應該」挑選花生，我「應該」把時間花在我認為更「重要」的地方上。我當時顯然有點心急，想儘快把花生挑完，然後進行下一件事情。換句話說，我失去了耐心，只想趕快看到「結果」。
By thinking I was wasting my time, I was judging how inappropriately I was spending my time. I was judging that I “shouldn’t” be picking the peanuts at that moment; I “should” be doing something I considered more “productive”. It reflected my anxious mind that I wanted to get over this peanut business as soon as possible so I could move on to the next item on my to-do list. In other words, I was impatient and completely “result”-oriented.
但事實上，當我一心只想裝滿一袋的好花生時，我忽略了挑選花生這個過程的重要性。裝滿花生這個「結果」，在我放進最後一顆花生的瞬間就達到了，但整個挑選花生的過程花了我20分鐘。如果我急著想挑完花生，去進行下一件比較「重要」的事，我可能會催促自己快一點，而且暗自在心裏批評自己太慢了。結果在那20分鐘裏，我失去了我內心的平靜、寶貴的當下，和我的人生體驗。
In reality, while I was aiming at filling up my bag with good peanuts, the process of selecting them is more significant. The “result” of filling up my bag occurred in a second when I put in the last one peanut, but the whole process took me 15 minutes. If I was anxious about getting all the peanuts as soon as possible so I could move on to the next more “productive” item, I probably would have hurried and judged myself for being too slow, and I would have ended up losing 15 minutes of my inner peace, of my precious present moments, and of my life.
我們是這麼地在乎結果，對過程一點也不重視; 我們是這麼急著想做一件又一件「重要」的事，不惜犧牲我們內心的平安和當下的人生體驗。
How are we so used to looking at the results that we tend to play down the process? How anxious are we to get to the next “productive” thing that we lose our peace and the experiencing of the present moment?
這也讓我想到，從很久以前開始，我生活當中的很多決定，都是取決於一個想法 – 我「應該」還是「不應該」。我「應該」去做，因為它對我有幫助; 因為我害怕不去做的結果; 因為我不想讓朋友失望，或是因為別人都是這樣做。我那個擅於分析的大腦只會考慮有沒有幫助，有什麼後果，而我那個主觀又感性的內心渴望的只是平安和喜樂。兩者交鋒，贏的總是我的大腦。
It also occurred to me that for as long as I could remember, most of my decisions in my life were driven by one criteria – whether I “should” or “shouldn’t” do it. I should do it because it would “benefit” me in some way, because I was afraid of the consequences of not doing it, because I didn’t want to disappoint my friend, or because this was what other people would do. My analytical mind, which only considers benefits and consequences, always takes precedence over my intuitive and emotional heart, which longs for peace and joy instead.
所以我會天人交戰 – 我應該去看個電視輕鬆一下，還是我該去研究一下我的投資組合; 我應該去學我一直很感興趣的打毛線，還是我應該去快走一圈，對我的健康比較有幫助。不幸的是，我的大腦總是獲勝。
So I struggled, whether I should watch TV to relax a bit or I should check my investment portfolio; whether I should learn knitting that I always wanted to or I should go for a power walk instead which would benefit my health. Unfortunately, my analytical mind always won.
沒錯，我們總是很有效率地把我們認為該做的事做完。但是這樣的我們快樂嗎? 總是違背自己內心的意願，我們會快樂嗎? 而快樂不就是衡量我們人生是否成功的最終指標?
Yes, we are very productive by getting things done efficiently and by doing things we think we should do all the time. But are we happy this way? Are we happy by constantly ignoring what our heart wants to do? And isn’t happiness the ultimate gauge of our success with our life?
我們總是相信，當我們有一天達到目標或得到某樣東西時，不管它是學位或是人生伴侶，我們從此會幸福快樂。但是那個「幸福」的感覺通常很短暫，沒過多久就被另一個目標取代了。所以為了追求幸福，我們永遠在追求目標。
Our mind likes to believe that we would finally be happy when we achieved or got something, whether it’s a degree or a soul mate. But that moment of happiness was very often short-lived and followed by another goal. So in order to be happy, we find ourselves constantly on an endless chase after goals.
如果我們能夠放下心中的不安全感，允許自己去做我們喜歡的事，我們會不會比較快樂? 也許那是畫畫，也許是唱歌、烹飪、園藝，即便是看一個自己喜歡的電視節目。也許我們的快樂不是來自於外在，而是來自於我們的內心。如果我們必須努力去追求一樣東西，快樂在我們一開始追逐時就消失了。
Would it make us happy if we could let go of our feeling of insecurity and allow ourselves to do things we like to do? Maybe it’s drawing, singing, cooking, gardening, or simply watching a TV program we like. Maybe true happiness comes from within and not from outside. If we need to make an effort to go after something, happiness is already gone with the chase.
我想我們會不斷追逐目標的其中一個原因是，我們沒有安全感或覺得恐懼。另一個原因是，我們認為外在的認同和物質會讓我們覺得充實或提高我們的價值。我們害怕如果沒有這樣或那樣東西，我們會入不敷出，別人會看不起或不喜歡我們。
I think one of the reasons we chase goal after goal is because we feel insecure or because we have fears. Another reason is that we believe we need external labels or objects to fill us up or boost our value. We are afraid that if we don’t get this or that, we will not have enough to go by or people will not love or respect us.
我知道要消除憂慮或恐懼並不是件容易的事，這是另一個值得探討的主題。也許接下來你會有興趣聽聽艾妮塔‧穆札尼對喜樂和恐懼有什麼看法，聽她從瀕死經驗帶回來的更多的啟示。
I know it’s hard not to worry or let go of fear. This is a whole other issue to talk about. Maybe you would be interested to know what Anita Moorjani has to say about joy and fear based on her near-death experience on the other side.
相關文章 / You May Also Like:
生命的意義到底是什麼? (艾妮塔.穆札尼) / What is the true meaning of life? (Anita Moorjani)
你今天過得好嗎? / Measuring the Quality of Your Day with a To-Be List (Not Just a To-Do List)
米雅的夢 / Mia’s Dream
(視頻) Anita Moorjani 艾妮塔.穆札尼 - 用愛化解恐懼 / Choosing Love In A Fear-Based World (中文字幕 Chinese subtitles)
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