作者: 丹尼爾‧夏皮洛博士
I
hadn’t received the evaluation; I had become it.
我沒有收到工作考核; 我變成了它。
Evaluation
工作考核
Last night, I opened an email to find my work evaluation. The title
read FINAL EVALUATION: ACTION REQUIRED. Four bold words, irreversible and
unapologetic. I clicked to find clear instructions.
昨晚，我打開電子郵件看我的工作考核。標題上寫著「期終考核:需處理」。斗大的四個(英文)字，那麼地決絕、理所當然。我點進去看詳情。
“Review, sign, and return.”
「查收、簽名、返回」
With a deep breath, I opened the attachment. It read, Overall rating:
EFFECTIVE.
我深呼吸了一口，打開附件。上頭寫著:「整體評鑑: 成效佳」。
Effective sat between highly effective and
the dreaded needs improvement.
「成效佳」是介於「成效高」和可怕的「需要改進」之間。
Where did I go wrong? Why wasn’t I highly
effective? In a flash, I watched the rating merge with my identity.
我做錯了什麼? 為什麼不是「成效高」? 剎那間，我看到那個評鑑和我的身份合而為一。
I imagined my backbone made of nine stacked
letters: E-F-F-E-C-T-I-V-E.
我想像我的脊梁骨由九個字母堆疊而成: E-F-F-E-C-T-I-V-E
(成效佳)。
I hadn’t received the evaluation; I had become the evaluation.
我並沒有收到工作考核; 我變成了工作考核。
Identification
身份
There is a difference between who we are and what we do. Grappling with the question “Who am I?” is essential to life’s journey and a key aspect of how we experience the world.
我們是誰和我們所做的事是有分別的。探討「我是誰」這個問題對生命歷程很重要，而且對我們如何經歷這個世界很關鍵。
In self-inquiry, we discover we are not the thoughts, feelings, and
perceptions that come and go in experience. These are like clouds.
經過自我探討，我們會發現我們不是思想、感覺和感官體驗，經驗上它們來來去去，像雲一樣。
We are more like the open sky, more like spirit — the awake,
indefinable presence that observes it all and remains free.
我們比較像廣闊的天空，像靈體，是一種有感知力而無法被界定的存在; 它觀察著一切卻保持自由。
When a child misbehaves, we don’t condemn them as fundamentally bad. We
say, “I love you; now let’s talk about this behavior.”
當一個小孩不乖時，我們不會當他是壞胚子般的責備他。我們會說:「我愛你，不過讓我們來談一下這種行為。」
Yet, instead of working on behavior, how often do we come to
conclusions about ourselves or believe others’ conclusions about us?
然而，我們看的不是行為。我們是不是經常為自己下定論或相信別人對我們的結論?
We need a functional identity or persona to navigate this world. This
social mask is the way we present ourselves in society.
我們需要一個功能性的身份或形象來穿梭在這世間。這個社交面具是我們在社會上呈現的面貌。
Growing up, we begin to define ourselves. However, like a sponge, we
also absorb the opinions, judgments, and labels of family, friends, and
community.
在長大的過程中，我們開始定義自己。然而，我們像海綿一樣，同時吸收了家人、朋友和社交圈的意見、評斷和標籤。
If we’re not careful, we might take these viewpoints as truth and
integrate them into our self-concept. Then we start to doubt ourselves.
一不小心，我們可能會把這些看法當成真相，將它們融入我們的自我概念之中。然後我們開始自我懷疑。
Self-Doubt
自我懷疑
For the next few days, I questioned myself, forgetting to separate my
behavior from my identity.
接下來的幾天 ，我開始質問自己，忘了將我的行為和我的身份分開。
Are my SMART objectives Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, or
Time-Bound enough?
我的SMART目標 – 明確(Specific),、可衡量(Measurable)、可達成(Achievable)、可行(Realistic)、有時限(Time-Bound) – 夠好嗎?
How well am I using data as a problem-solving strategy?
我是否有效地運用資料做為解決 問題的策略?
Do my talent management and service quality shine or fall flat? My
behavior seems professional and ethical, but is it highly professional and
ethical?
我的人才管理和服務品質是出色，還是 不怎麼樣? 我的行為看起來很專業正規，但它是高度專業正規嗎?
I wondered about colleagues, compared and contrasted.
我揣摩著我的同事們，不知和他們相比對照是如何。
Bob from communications appears EFFECTIVE. He’s reliable, steady, and usually
returns emails.
傳播部門的包柏看起來是「成效佳」的。他可靠、沈穩，而且總是會回你郵件。
But Jane, from accounts payable, must be HIGHLY EFFECTIVE. Her memos
are crystal clear and shimmer on the page.
但是負責應付帳款的珍肯定是「成效高」的。她的備忘訊息通透明確，引人目光。
Highly Effective
高度有成效
The Oxford English Dictionary defines effective as “successful in
producing a desired or intended result,” and highly as “at or to a considerable
or specified height.”
牛津英文字典將「成效佳」(effective)定義為「成功地產生想要或預期的結果」，而「高度」(highly)則是「處在或到達相當或特定的高度」。
So, I’ve been successful but failed to reach a considerable or
specified height.
所以，我是成功的，但沒有到達一個相當或特定的高度。
I’m not highly successful.
我並不是「成效高」的。
Effective feels
dull, hollow, and average. As close as it is to highly effective,
it’s also a mistake away from needs improvement.
「成效佳」給人感覺平乏、空洞而且一般。也許它和「成效高」很接近，但是和「需要改進」也只有一個犯錯的距離。
The pressure I put on myself was enormous.
我給自己加上巨大的壓力。
Will I settle for effective? Should I work harder? Start earlier? Stay
later?
我可以接受「成效佳」嗎? 我應該更努力工作嗎? 早到? 晚歸?
I pondered on this and then I recalled a quote I read online
that says, “20 years from now, the only people who will remember that you
worked late are your kids.”
我陷入沈思，然後想起在網路上讀到的一句引述:「二十年之後，還會記得你加班的人只有你的孩子。」
Our days are numbered, and the decisions we make about
our time determine the quality of our lives.
我們的日子是有限的，我們對時間所做的抉擇會決定我們的生活品質。
I decided to choose truth.
我決定選擇真相。
The Truth
真相
Does a rating describe us? Does it describe me? Is
striving to be more or fearing to be less really necessary?
一個績效考核足以形容我們嗎? 它可以形容我嗎? 我們有需要努力變得更好或害怕變得不夠好嗎?
Dorothy Day, the activist, wrote, “Don’t worry about
being effective. Just concentrate on being faithful to the truth.”
社運人士桃樂希‧戴曾寫道:「不要擔心是否有成效。只要把握住忠於真相。」
In this moment, truth feels like self-acceptance.
此刻，真相意味著自我接受。
Truth also feels like neutrality or simply being myself
without trying so hard. Something inside is already whole and at ease.
真相同時意味著保持中立，或僅僅呈現自己，無需過於用力。內在的某種東西已經是完整自在的了。
I was what I was before the evaluation and will remain
so afterward. Ratings come and go, yet something deeper and more
substantial abides.
我仍然是考核之前的我，之後的我也會保持如此。考核來來去去，但是有一種更深更實在的東西存在著。
No doubt, evaluations have their place. But they are
labels imposed from the outside.
Truth is discovered within.
當然，評鑑有它的重要性，但它是外在貼上去的標籤。真相是從內在發現的。
Truth is about integrity — feeling how you feel,
thinking how you think, meaning what you say, acting as you act, owning both
your darkness and your light, and being as you are.
真相代表了一種真實完整性 – 感覺你真實的感受，思考你想要的念頭，口出你想說的話，做你想做的事，接受你黑暗和光明的狀態，呈現真實的你。
I choose family, friendship, service, self-expression,
and learning.
我選擇我的家庭、友情、為人服務、自我表達和學習。
I was what I was before the evaluation and will remain so afterward.
Ratings come and go, yet something deeper and more substantial abides.
我仍然是考核之前的我，之後的我也會保持如此。考核來來去去，但是有一種更深更實在的東西存在著。
Basketball Wisdom
籃球的智慧
I went home and shot hoops with my 12-year-old son. We
played HORSE. I tried a trick shot that fell a half-inch short.
回到家後，我和12歲的兒子一起打籃球。我們玩「花式投籃模仿」的遊戲。我想耍一種技巧，但差了半吋沒進籃。
“If I would’ve made that, I’d be the man!” I
said.
「如果剛才投進了，我就是一等高手了!」我說。
Grabbing the rebound, my son said, “Dad, you
don’t need to sink a shot to be the man. You are the man!”
一手抓住反彈球的兒子說:「爸，你不需要進球就是高手了。你就是高手!」
With that, something profound washed over me. I had
confused my performance with my identity.
這時，一種深刻的感覺浸染全身。我誤將我的表現當作自己了。
While I knew I couldn’t be
defined by a rating on a scoresheet, the evaluation had temporarily become my
mirror, reflecting an identity instead of behaviors to consider or improve.
雖然我知道評鑑表上的考核不能定義我，那個評鑑卻一時成了我的鏡子，反映出我的身份有待商榷或改進，而不是我的行為。
I thought back to all the times I let people tell me who
I was and believed them and how much that limited my expression in the world.
我想到過去我如何讓別人評價我，如何相信了他們，又如何讓他們的評價限制了我在這世上的表現。
What if I did receive HIGHLY EFFECTIVE? Would that
classification make me any different from what I am? I’d be carrying yet
another image about myself and latching on to keep it.
如果我真的獲得了「成效高」 的評鑑呢? 這種等級會讓我變得和真正的我不一樣嗎? 我會懷抱著另一種自我形象，依附眷戀在它之下吧。
What if I received NEEDS IMPROVEMENT? Doesn’t everyone
need improvement? Shouldn’t improvement be a fixture in all evaluations?
如果我獲得的是「需要改進」呢? 每個人不都需要改進嗎? 改進不應該是所有評鑑不變的項目嗎?
Surface vs. Essence
表面和本質
Over the next few weeks, my daughter and I practiced for
her drama competition. She’s 16 and was striving to find her place in the
troupe.
未來幾週，女兒和我一起為她的戲劇比賽進行練習。十六歲的她想在劇團裏爭得一席之地。
The competition’s ratings were FAIR, GOOD, EXCELLENT,
and SUPERIOR. Of course, my daughter wanted superior.
比賽的評級包括尚可、好、優異和特優。當然，女兒想要的是「特優」。
Each night, we poured over the lines to attain a
superior. But in time, she immersed herself in researching the play, feeling
the characters’ emotions, and bringing every facet of the script to life.
每天晚上，我們研讀腳本，想拿到一個「特優」。接下來的日子，女兒還全心投入去鑽研那部戲劇，揣摩角色的情感，生動地去呈現劇本的每個細節。
Late one night, my daughter said, “Dad, I don’t want
the superior rating anymore. I just want to act.”
一天深夜，女兒說:「爸，我不想拿特優了。我只想好好去演。」
She had just discovered the essence of what it meant to
be an actor. We both wiped our eyes and hugged.
她剛發現了做為一位演員的本質。我們倆相擁拭淚。
The Dance of
Identity
身份的變換
Is it possible to know ourselves as spirit, while using
our constructed identity to interact in the world?
我們有可能知道自己是靈魂，同時使用一個建構出來的身份和世間打交道嗎?
I’ve learned we can dance between the two.
我知道我們可以輕易在這兩者間變換。
In quiet moments, we can rest as pure awareness, and in
activity, we can bring that awareness into expression.
在安靜的時刻裏，我們可以像純意識般地靜止。在活動時，我們可以將意識呈現出來。
While these two descriptions may seem paradoxical, they
are not distinct nor separate from one another.
這兩者看起來好像是相抵觸，但他們並非全然不同或分開的。
As the Buddhist Heart Sutra puts it, “Form is none
other than emptiness; emptiness is none other than form.”
如同佛教心經上說:「色不異空，空不異色。」
With discernment, we can choose to accept or refuse
input from the world. While others will always supply plenty of feedback, we
are not bound by their conclusions.
我們有識別力，可以選擇接受或拒絕這個世界提供的訊息。別人會不斷地提供很多意見，但我們不用被他們的結論所束縛。
With awareness and understanding, we are free to be who
we are, as we are, and to express ourselves fully and freely.
運用我們的意識和理解力，我們可以自由地定義自己，做自己，並充份自在地表達自己。
This state of being transcends both EFFECTIVE and HIGHLY
EFFECTIVE.
我們的存在狀態超越了「成效佳」和「成效高」兩者。
Bringing the Lesson
Home
回家，我懂了
It’s Sunday night. I’m on a walk, a few steps from home.
Tomorrow, I’ll be at work again — evaluated. What will I do that will matter a
month from now, a year, a decade, a lifetime?
星期天晚上，我出門散步，差幾步路就到家。明天，我會再度回去工作 – 被評鑑。不管我做什麼，一個月之後會有什麼差別嗎? 一年，十年，一輩子呢?
Will I ever be more than EFFECTIVE?
我還可能超越「成效佳」嗎?
The porch light flicks on. “Dad!” my kids call out
happily as they rush to greet me.
Something in their voices says, I already am.
門廊的燈亮了起來。「爸!」孩子們開心地大叫，衝出來迎接我。他們的聲音裏有樣東西告訴我，我已經超越了。
* Judy H 譯 *
Source / 文章來源:
https://mediu.com/mystic-minds/will-i-ever-be-more-than-effective-1f2aa7853bfb
About Dr. Daniel H. Shapiro
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