“Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.”
~Benjamin Disraeli
「永遠無需為真情流露道歉。因為當你這樣做時，你是在為你的真實道歉。」
~ 班哲明‧迪斯瑞里
By Jen Picicci
作者: 珍‧畢西奇
I’ll never forget my progress report from third grade: “Jennifer shows disappointment when she’s not called on.”
我永遠不會忘記小學三年級時的那份學習報告:「當珍妮佛沒有被叫到時，她顯得很失望。」
This must have been a bad thing, because my mother sat me down to talk about it. Apparently when I raised my hand and wasn’t called on, I frowned. I was to work on that, to try to stay neutral, to not show I was upset.
這一定是件壞事，因為這件事母親要我坐下來和她談一談。很顯然地，當我舉手而沒有被叫到時，我皺了眉頭。我必須在這方面有所改善，學習不露聲色，不要顯出不高興的樣子。
I also clearly remember the day my dad came over to my mom’s house to tell me his father, my grandfather, had passed away. I was twelve, and I started crying. My father told me to stop crying, because it was going to make him cry.
我也記得有一天，父親到母親家來告訴我，他的父親，也就是我的祖父，去世了。十二歲的我開始哭起來。父親要我不要哭了，因為那樣會讓他很想掉眼淚。
Once again, I felt as if I was being scolded for having feelings and showing them.
於是，我又一次地感覺到，因為我的情緒，我將它顯露出來而使我受到斥責。
Years later, when I was very stressed out at a high-pressure job, I was crying in my own private office. The CEO of the tiny company walked by and then came in to talk to me for a few minutes, then left.
很多年後，當我在一份工作上覺得壓力很大時，我在我的私人辦公室裏哭了起來。那家小公司的執行長經過我的辦公室時，他走進來和我談了幾分鐘便離開了。
The next time I had a performance review, I was told, in not so many words, that crying was not allowed. If I had emotions to express, I should go outside and walk around the building until I felt better.
在接來下的績效考核中，我被簡單地告知，哭泣是不被容許的。如果我有情緒，我應該到辦公樓外面走一走，覺得好過一點時再回來。
All of these incidents made me feel embarrassed and ashamed. I shouldn’t show my emotions of disappointment or sadness. I shouldn’t allow myself to feel stressed out, especially if it meant shedding tears.
所有這些事件都讓我覺得很難為情，很丟臉。我不應該表露我失望或悲傷的情緒。我不應該容許自己有壓力的情緒，尤其是到了掉眼淚的地步。
These experiences seemed to be the world showing me that it was my job to stay still and quiet, and that I should smile even when I didn’t want to, and that I should prevent my messy emotions from ever impacting anyone else.
這個世界彷彿是透過這些經驗告訴我，我必須做到安靜沈穩，即使不情願，我也必須微笑，我不應該讓我紛亂的情緒影響到任何人。
The trouble was, and is, that I have a terrible time hiding my emotions. I’m an emotional person, and if I’m sad or overcome with emotion, I cry. If I’m disappointed, I frown. If I’m happy, I smile or laugh.
問題是，不管是過去還是現在，我很難隱藏自己的情緒。我是個感情豐富的人，如果我悲傷或陷入情緒中時，我會掉眼淚。如果我感到失望，我會皺眉頭。如果我覺得開心，我會微笑或大笑。
Still, I’ve gotten good at trying to moderate my emotions, especially in social or work situations, in order to present myself a certain way. A way that does not allow me to be my true self.
話雖如此，我還是學會收殮自己的情緒，特別是在社交或工作場合中，為的是維持自己的形象。但為了維持形象，我不能表現真實的自己。
Luckily, though, something happened that made me realize trying to mask my emotions was ultimately taking me out of alignment and out of touch with everything I’m here to learn and experience.
所幸，發生了一件事讓我了解到，遮掩我的情緒，其實就是剝奪我來此學習和體驗生命的機會。
One day, I heard the author and spiritual teacher Martha Beck talking about her “integrity cleanse,” and something clicked in me.
那天，當我聽到作家和心靈老師瑪莎‧貝克談她「真實淨化」的主張時，我內心起了共鳴。
She said that a couple of years ago she started attempting to live in complete integrity—always telling the truth (in a kind way, of course)—and that it has changed her life in profound ways. She said for her, even if the expression on her face doesn’t match up with how she’s feeling in her body, she’s out of integrity.
她說一兩年前，她開始嘗試過一種完全真實的生活 – 永遠說真話 (當然，以一種溫和的方式)， 她的人生因此發生了很大的轉變。她表示，就連面部表情和身體內的感覺不一致時，對她而言就是不真實。
Boom! That’s exactly what I needed to hear.
沒錯! 我就是這麼想的。
I finally realized that showing and expressing my emotions was actually a good thing, probably one of the most important parts of my healing journey and time on this planet.
我終於明白，呈現和表達我的情緒其實是件好事，它對我在地球上的療癒和生活歷程扮演了一個非常重要的角色。
Instead of walking through this life pretending I’m okay when really I’m heartbroken, or acting like I’m not offended by a racist joke, or smiling when someone says something that makes me upset, I need to honor and express my feelings.
在我傷心欲絕時，我不需要假裝若無其事; 在別人講一個種族歧視的笑話時，我不需要假裝我不在意; 或者，當別人講的話讓我生氣時，我不需要保持微笑。我需要尊重和表達我的感覺。
I’m going to tell you a secret, though: It’s freaking hard. As much as I say I don’t want to hide my true feelings, in many ways it’s a habit.
但是，讓我告訴你一個秘密: 這極其困難。雖然我總是把「我不要隱藏我真正的感覺」這句話掛在嘴上，在很多情況下這已經變成了一種習慣。
Who wants to upset their parent or spouse? Who wants to ruffle feathers at work? Who wants to walk away from a boring conversation and worry about being perceived as rude?
畢竟，誰想惹惱自己的父母或另一半? 誰想在工作上找碴? 誰想冒著被視為無禮的風險，去中斷一場無聊的談話?
The thing is, any time we’re hiding our emotions or pretending we do or don’t feel something in order to protect ourselves or someone else, we’re lying. We’re lying to ourselves, we’re lying to the other person.
問題是，當我們為了保護自己或對方而隱藏自己的情緒，或假裝我們有或沒有某種情緒時，我們是在說謊。我們對自己說謊，也對對方說謊。
And lying? It’s bad for the body, mind, and spirit. It breaks you down and stresses you out. It causes rifts and gaps in your family and with your friends.
說謊又如何? 它會對我們的身、心、靈造成不良的影響。它傷害你的情感，讓你感到緊張，它在你的家庭和朋友間製造裂痕和隔閡。
Here are some things you might want to keep in mind if you decide to allow your true feelings to show no matter who you’re with or what the circumstance:
如果你決定開始讓你的真情流露，不管對方是誰或在什麼情況下，也許你得先有一些心理準備:
Sometimes you’re going to upset people. The thing is, if you always tell the truth, some people are simply not going to like it.
有時你會觸怒別人，因為當你總是實話實說時，有些人就是沒有辦法接受。
There are some people in your world who likely want you to stay small, or to stay emotionless. If you are going to start expressing what you feel, know that some people will end up exiting your life.
在你的世界裏，有些人就是希望你活得很渺小，活得很麻痺。一旦你開始表達你的感受，說不準有些人會離開你的圈子。
You’re not going to be immediately good at this right away, and it’s going to take time to feel comfortable expressing yourself in every situation. I am so, so not there yet. I still find myself smiling politely when really I want to run away or answering a question in a way that doesn’t feel true to me.
你不會在一夕之間就學會，要做到無論在任何場合都能自在表達自己，需要一段時間。我離那個境界還很遠，有時我明明想走開卻還是有禮貌地微笑，或以一種不真實的態度回答別人的問題。
Yet, in many other ways I’ve created beautiful relationships where I don’t have to say “I’m fine” when they ask me how my day is going. I can tell them the real, scary feelings I’m having.
然而在很多其他方面，我不再回答「我很好」，我可以跟對方說出我真實害怕的感受，和他們營造出美好的人際關係。
I believe the best way to approach this is notice and acknowledge to yourself when you’re denying your emotions, even if you’re not ready to say it out loud. At least you’re telling the truth to yourself, and that’s an incredibly important first step.
我認為一開始練習這樣做的最好方法，是去留意和認知你在什麼時候否定自己的情緒，即使你還無法向人說出口。至少，你已經開始對你自己誠實，這是至為重要的第一步。
This is going to be very scary. If you’ve been hiding your real self and real emotions for a long time, or if you hide them from a large number of people, this is probably going to be the most frightening thing you ever do.
這件事也許會讓你覺得很可怕。如果長久以來，你都是隱藏了真正的自己和真實的情緒過日子，或者你在很多人面前隱藏了自己，這也許會是你有史以來做過最可怕的事。
Take it slowly. Practice not smiling at that coworker who always insists you smile. Tell him or her “No thanks, not right now.”
慢慢來。在希望看到你微笑以待的同事面前，練習不要對他微笑。告訴他或她:「謝了，但我現在不想。」
Allow yourself to cry in front of a friend, even if you’re normally too embarrassed to do something like that.
容許自己在朋友面前哭泣，即使你平常覺得這樣做很丟臉。
Let yourself express anger to someone who says something offensive or dishonors you in some way. You can do it.
當有人說你的壞話或羞辱你時，容許自己對那個人表達不滿。你可以的。
If you have kids, start teaching them to express their true emotions as early as possible, as it will make their own emotional lives much easier.
如果你有孩子，趁早開始教導他們表達他們真正的感受，不要讓他們在情緒生活上過得那麼辛苦。
My daughter is three, and though I sometimes catch myself trying to distract her from negative feelings, she responds so beautifully to me sitting down at her eye level and acknowledging her angry or sad feelings.
我有個三歲的女兒，有時我仍會不自覺地想趕走她的負面情緒，但對著坐下來與她視線平行的我，她總是會很大方地說出她生氣或悲傷的感覺。
I believe it’s a gift to allow others to feel what they feel, and that it creates honest, open humans.
我相信，容許他人去感覺他們的感受，是給對方的一份禮物，也是人與人之間能夠做到坦誠相對的原因。
Ask for help in being absolutely true to yourself. Ask a friend or your partner to support you in your journey. If it’s in line with your belief system, ask a higher power for help in being open and honest with your feelings.
你也不妨請別人協助，幫助你保持對自己真實。你可以請朋友或另一半在這個過程中支持你。如果你有任何信仰，也可以祈求更高的力量幫忙你，接納和忠於自己的感受。
Set the intention each morning that you wish to honor your own feelings, emotions, and truth, but that you also wish to do so in the kindest, most loving manner possible.
每天早上你可以告訴自己，你希望尊重自己的感覺、情緒和真面目，你也同時希望自己可以儘可能地用一種仁慈親切的態度去實行。
You can do this. You deserve to do this, and the people you interact with deserve to know you in your truest form.
你可以的，你值得這樣做，和你相遇的每個人也值得看到那個最真實的你。
This is not easy, but it does get easier, and I believe it’s the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and each other, even if my third grade teacher would disagree.
這並不容易，但你會越做越順手，而且我相信，這是對我們自己和彼此最好的禮物，即使我當年的小學三年級老師並不這樣認同。
* Judy H 譯 *
文章來源 / Source:
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/honesty-gift-dont-hide-feelings/
About Jen Picicci
Jen Picicci is an artist who believes in better living through pretty colors and kind words. She creates uplifting tree and word art, and when she doesn’t have a paintbrush in her hand, she can be found wrangling a preschooler, petting a cat, or hugging a tree. To learn more about her and get a 20% off coupon, visit www.jenpicicci.com.
關於珍‧畢西奇
珍‧畢西奇 是一位利用美麗色彩和文字妝點生活的藝術家。她創作令人欣喜的樹木和文字藝術。在放下畫筆的時間裏，她也許在照顧她的小娃兒、逗弄她的貓，或者和樹木擁抱。要知道關於更多她的事和得到20%的折扣券，可以到www.jenpicicci.com。
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