(攝影: 曾碧秀 / Photo Cr: Pi-Hsiu Tseng)
作者 By: Judy H
那個場合我該穿什麼好? 這件洋裝會不會太花俏了?
朋友有喬遷之喜，我該送他什麼?
家裏有客人來訪，我該準備什麼才不會招待不周?
What should I wear for the event? Would this dress be too colorful?
What gift should I buy for my friend’s house warming party?
What should I prepare for a friend’s visit to show my hospitality?
我們之中有些人會為這類問題煩心。也許是因為我們要有面子，也許我們不想讓別人失望，也許我們希望我們外在的表現能「充份表達」我們內在的心意，讓對方能看到我們的真誠和好意。於是，我們變得患得患失或過度殷勤，把自己搞得很累。
Some of us find ourselves fretting over these types of questions. It may be because we want to look good, we don’t want to disappoint people, or we want our external behavior to “match up” with our mind so people will see our sincerity and good intention. As a result, we end up “overdoing” and stressing ourselves out.
想像一下你有一隻狗，當他看到你出遠門回來的時候，他好興奮，在你身上跳上跳下，瘋狂地搖尾巴，甚至在你面前不停地轉圈子，開心極了。他從未一刻考慮過他該如何歡迎你回家。他的行為完全是出於他的本質和他對你的愛，他完全不擔心你是否會喜歡他的表現。他不會這樣想，他應該跳幾下或應該轉五圈還是十圈，才會讓你相信他是真的很開心見到你!
Imagine you have a dog who gets excited when you come home from a trip. He jumps up and down on you, fervently wags his tail and even goes around in circles to show how happy he is seeing you. He doesn’t think for a second about how he should welcome you. He just does what he does out of his true nature and love for you. He is not worried about if his performance is good enough for you –how many times he should jump or whether he should do five or 10 circles in front of you to make you believe that he is genuinely happy seeing you home!
如果這隻狗有能力去擔心和設想他的行動，他見到你的反應可能會是算計過的，一個因恐懼而產生的思想結果。他會設法在你面前表現優異，使你不致對他失望，不會這麼想:「我養你這麼多年你就只是這樣…?」
If your dog had the capacity to worry and plan for his action, his response to your return might be a calculated one, one from a place of fear. He would want to make sure he would do a good job before you so you would not be disappointed and wonder: “this is what I get after all these years feeding you…?”
不會，你的狗不是這樣的。他不在意他是否會在你和別人面前看起來很好笑，你會給他的表現打幾分，還是他的的行為是否會完全表達他的真誠。他用他100%的愛和當下自發的情感和反應歡迎你回家。即使你對他興奮的程度或行為覺得不滿意，他不符合你的預期，那也不是他的錯。因為他對你是全心全意的，他的行為完全是出自於他愛你的自然表現。最重要的是，他從未有過一刻懷疑過他對你的感情。所以如果我們對他的外在表現有任何意見的話… 那對他的愛是一種侮辱吧。
No, your dog is not like that. He does not worry how ridiculous he might look to you and other people, how you would rate his performance, or if his behavior would deliver his complete sincerity. He welcomes you home with 100% of his love with his spontaneous feelings and responses. Even if you think your dog did not get as excited or behave the way you would expect, it is not your dog’s fault to fall short of your expectation. He gave you his whole heart doing what his love dictated him to. And most importantly, he never doubts for a second his affection for you. Any rating or judgment on his external behavior is an insult to his love.
一旦我們開始擔心別人會怎麼看我們，或者我們的行為是否會充份表達我們的心意，我們就變得患得患失，或者會去改變我們的行為來避免產生任何誤會的可能性。但是我們也許不知道，當我們開始煩惱不知如何是好時，我們已經改變了心意 – 從「愛」的初衷變成了擔心別人評價的「恐懼」。
Once we begin to worry about how people will look at us or if our action will convey our best intention, we end up overdoing or altering our behavior to avoid any possibility of misunderstanding. But we may not be aware that when we start to agonize over our options, we are changing our intention - from our initial LOVE for someone to FEAR of how people might judge us.
如果我們真的愛對方而且信任我們內心裏的愛，我們當下的想法和行動就會反應出那份愛。無論別人如何看我們的禮物、穿著和行為，如果我們的行動是發自心底，那就是我們所能給予對方最多最好的東西，因為我們給的是愛，而沒有任何東西比愛更珍貴。
If we truly love the other person and we trust that love within us, our immediate thought and action should reflect that love. No matter how people think of our gift, clothes and action, if what we do comes from the bottom of our heart, that is all and the best we can give to them, because what we give is love and nothing is more valuable than love.
所以不要再感到困擾和煩心了，開始信任我們的心和真實的自己。如果你認為這份禮物對你的朋友很合適，如果你覺得穿這件衣服很開心又很恰當，如果你希望用這種方式款待客人，就全心全意放心地去做吧。他們說得沒錯，重要的是「心意」，或者這樣說更好: 重要的是那「真實的自己」。任何不是來自真實自己的表現，很可能都是一種恐懼的反應。
So let’s stop fretting and begin trusting our heart and our true self. If you think the gift fits well with your friend, if the dress you want to wear makes you feel happy and proper for the event, and if you believe this is the way you want to receive your guest, go ahead with your full heart. It is true that it is the heart that counts, or better, it is “the true self” that counts. Anything that does not come from our true self, most likely it is from a place of fear.
人類有各種不同的情緒，但它們的根源其實只有兩種: 愛或恐懼。如果恐懼會讓我們改變行為，偏離自己，那麼愛就是信任真實的自己，讓它主導我們的抉擇。
Humans have different kinds of emotions but they all come down to two sources, either love or fear. If it is fear that makes us change our behavior and deviate from whom we are, it is love when we trust our self and let it be the guide of our choices and decisions.
下次當我們開始為穿什麼、買什麼或該如何做傷腦筋時，想起那隻全心全意歡迎你回家的開心狗。他自發性的「尾舞足蹈」代表的是他真實的自己和他純淨無染的愛。
Next time when we start to become fussy about what to wear, what to buy or how to go about something, let’s remember that happy dog that welcomes you home with all his heart. His spontaneous dance shows who he is and his unadulterated love.
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「當我們知道自己是愛，我們就不必刻意用愛去對待別人。我們只需要真實地呈現自己，我們就能成為愛的媒介，觸動每個與我們相遇的人。」 ~ 艾妮塔‧穆札尼 【死過一次才學會愛】
"When we know that we are love, we don’t need to work at being loving toward others. Instead, we just have to be true to ourselves, and we become instruments of loving energy, which touches everyone we come into contact with." ~ "Dying To Be Me" by Anita Moorjani
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關於作/譯者 Judy H
因為不認識自己，不知道愛自己，一直走在尋覓療癒的路上，然後認識了艾妮塔‧穆札尼。聽到她的訊息有分享的衝動，於是建立了這個網站幫助自己也幫助別人。對認識心靈和愛自己的內容特別感興趣。喜歡寫譯相關文章和志同道合的人分享，讓更多的人陪我一起走在這條讓人興奮感動的路上 😊
About Judy H
Coming from a place where I didn’t know myself, not to mention loving myself, I have been on a quest to heal myself until I came to know Anita Moorjani. When I did, I felt the urge to share her message, so I created this blog to help myself and other people. I am interested in getting to know my soul and learning to love it. I like to translate and write inspiring stories and share them with like-minded people so that more people will join me on this exciting and loving journey 😊
相關內容 / You may also like:
(視頻) Anita Moorjani 艾妮塔.穆札尼 - 用愛化解恐懼 / Choosing Love In A Fear-Based World (中文字幕 Chinese subtitles)
我寧可現在讓你失望 / Embrace the Discomfort of Saying "No"
「愛自己」是什麼意思? / What Self-Love Means: 20+ Ways to Be Good to Yourself
為什麼我不再取悅別人 / What to Do When Your Need to Please Is Ruining Your Life
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