作者 By: Judy H
「愛自己」聽起來好簡單，不過當我一開始實行起來時覺得有點困難。
It may sound easy to just love yourself, but it was a bit of a challenge for me in the beginning.
由於我們的成長方式和社會的價值觀，我們從小就學會委屈自己遷就別人，來贏得家人、朋友和同事的喜愛和認同。我們不想落單，被人貼上「不好相處」的標籤，於是我們否定自己的感覺，關閉內在的聲音，去附和別人的想法和喜好。結果，即使心裏並不情願，我們卻很難開口拒絕別人。
Because of the way we were brought up and what the society is expected of us, we learned from an early age that we need to cooperate in order to win the love and approval of our family, friends and co-workers. We don’t want to be left out and labeled as “difficult people,” so we deny our feelings, shut off our inner voices and go along with other people’s ideas and wishes. As a result, it becomes difficult for us to say “no” when that’s how we feel inside.
一開始要說「不」心裏會有些掙扎，需要一點勇氣，因為我們總是害怕讓別人失望，彷彿拒絕別人的請求或邀請會招來不堪設想的後果似的。但是它不會，相反地，你會更加欣賞自己。我想分享過去我說「不」的一個經驗。
It takes some struggle and courage to say "no" in the beginning because we are so afraid of disappointing other people as if our rejection of their request or invitation would bring about terrible consequences. It will not, and on the contrary, you would feel so good about yourself if you followed your inner voice. The following is a story I wrote a while ago about my experience of saying "no".
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幾年下來聆聽艾妮塔‧穆札尼的教導，我認為「愛自己」的觀念已經深植我心。畢竟我經常提醒自己要善待自己，跟隨自己的心意，找到屬於自己的生活樂趣。不過所有的學習要經過實地的測試後才知道自己到底吸收了多少。
I guess the concept of loving myself has been sinking into me after I’ve been following Anita Moorjani for a few years. I constantly remind myself to love myself, to follow my heart and to find my joy. But you don’t know how much you’ve taken it in until there comes a test.
我收到一位前同事的邀請，參加她的「迎新」茶會 (迎接的是她即將誕生的寶寶 ^^)。我對這場聚會不太感興趣，一則因為其他受邀人士我一個也不認識，二則我不是一個寶寶迷，三則我最近真的很忙，要騰出周末四小時的黃金時間有些吃力。
I was invited to a former co-worker’s baby shower this coming weekend. I felt I wouldn’t enjoy the event because I didn’t know anyone else who got invited. Besides, I am not crazy about babies and have been busy and really can’t afford spending four hour on a weekend evening.
這封邀請電郵我在晚上臨睡前看到，心裏有些波動，所以想靜坐一下讓心平靜下來。不過在整個靜坐的過程中，我的腦子裏滿是掙扎 – 我是該參加呢，還是婉轉地拒絕。這是艾梅的第一個孩子，又是經過一番努力才懷上的。在這段時間裏，她一直把我當成好朋友般地分享她生活的點滴。我覺得如果沒有到場參加會讓她很失望。沒錯，「失望」，如同艾妮塔在最近的一次訪談中提到的，它是我們人生的一大恐懼。就在這刻她訪談的內容閃過我的心頭 - 「重要的是不要讓自己失望」。
I saw this email invitation just before I went to bed. I knew my mind had been stirred so wanted to do a short meditation to just calm it down. But the whole time I was sitting there, my mind was struggling with thoughts of whether I should go to the event or how I could turn it down gracefully. This is Amy’s first baby and she is very excited after going through some challenges to become pregnant. She has been sharing her stories with me like a close friend. I felt I would disappoint her if I didn’t show up. Yes, “disappointment”, one of our biggest fears as Anita pointed out in one of her recent interviews. What she said in that interview flashed across my mind - “It is more important not to disappoint yourself.”
於是昨天我這麼做了。我婉拒了艾梅的邀請，回覆了她的電郵。很欣慰她並沒有介意。我覺得心情特別輕鬆，晚上還看了些電視。通常如果我花太多時間看電視，沒有做一些實質或精神上「有價值」的事，我會覺得很內疚。但出乎我意料地，我昨晚睡得特別香甜，甚至還做了一個感覺很安詳愉悅的夢。我不記得我到底夢到了什麼，但半夜和早晨醒來時是這種感覺。我已經好久沒有睡得這麼好了。
So that was what I did yesterday. I turned down the invitation. I emailed Amy and I am glad that she took it nicely. I felt very relaxed and watched some TV in the evening. Normally I would feel guilty if I watched too much TV and was not doing something “productive” spiritually or materially. And to my surprise, I slept very well last night with a dream that made me feel very peaceful and joyful. I actually don’t remember what I dreamed about but that was the feeling I had when I woke up during the night and this morning. I hadn’t been able to sleep so well for many months.
今天一整天還是這種愉悅的感覺。不僅如此，我覺得我好像變得更能「寬待」自己一點，即使沒在做什麼「有價值」的事，我也不覺得自己有什麼錯。彷彿今天我的「自我」變得安靜很多。
The good feeling continues today and I found that I was able to “allow” myself a bit more and not judging myself so harsh for not doing anything productive. I feel my ego has been more quiet today.
早上當我在後院做吐納的氣功運動時，我發現我之所以有平靜自在的感覺，是因為我跟隨了自己的心意做我自己，拒絕了艾梅的邀請。我感到平靜是因為我終於做到表裏如一; 我覺得自在是因為被我長久關在牢籠裏恐懼的心得到釋放。這些舒服的感覺加在一起給我一種成就和自信感 – 因為我有能力彰顯真正的自己。
While I was doing qigong exercise in the backyard his morning, I realized that I had been feeling more peaceful and liberated because I followed my heart to turn down Amy’s invitation, to be myself. I was feeling peaceful because I finally lined up my action with my inner self; I was feeling liberated because I was able to set free my heart from a mental prison of fear where it had been hiding for a long time. And all these good feelings culminated in a strong sense of achievement and self-confidence – I am capable of honoring who I truly am.
的確，在經過這麼多年「成為有用之人」- 如同娜塔莎.舒爾曼在訪談中所形容 - 的洗腦訓練之後，，要開始做自己需要一點練習和勇氣。不過我這次已經朝目標前進了一小步，我期許自己往後會逐步走向真實的自己。
I wanted to say that it does take practice and courage to be ourselves after so many years of going into “somebody training” as described by Natasha Sherman, the interviewer. This is a small step forward but hopefully there will be more steps to come to bring me closer to my true self.
最後讓我一提，我們也許不能時刻做到跟隨自己的心意，有時候我們可能會再度把自己的心放回牢籠裏。沒有關係。當這些狀況發生時，請疼惜自己，就像我們疼惜自己的孩子和寵物一樣。我們越疼惜自己，我們希望的改變就越有可能發生。
And a final note - there will be times when we have trouble following our heart and put ourselves back into the mental prison. That is OK. When this happens, be compassionate about ourselves, like we are with our children or pets. The more compassionate we are about ourselves, the more likely we will make positive changes on ourselves.
And a final note - there will be times when we have trouble following our heart and put ourselves back into the mental prison. That is OK. When this happens, be compassionate about ourselves, like we are with our children or pets. The more compassionate we are about ourselves, the more likely we will make positive changes on ourselves.
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事後我把這篇故事發佈到艾妮塔的臉書網路論壇上，得到一些很棒的回饋，也想在這裏分享:I actually posted this story on one of Anita’s discussion groups on Facebook and received a couple of responses that I’d also like to share:
「… 改變自己，把自己放在第一位確實需要勇氣。我很高興你的朋友接納了你的決定。有一個想法會幫助我面對像你一樣類似的事件 - 如果我有一位朋友不想參加我邀請的活動，我不會希望她強迫自己來參加啊! 為什麼我要我的朋友做她不想做的事? 做你自己最好的朋友，你就搞定了。我很感激艾妮塔對我的幫助。經過一段時間的練習，你會越來越容易說『不』。」 ~ 珊卓‧奇
“…. It does take courage to change and to put yourself first . I am glad you found that your friend accepted your decision too . What has helped me in doing the same as you was to think that if a friend did not want to come to my invitation, I would hate for her to force herself to come ! Why would I want my friend to do something she did not want to do ? Be your best friend and you will be OK . I am very grateful to Anita for helping me . It does get easier to say no after a while . ~ Sandra Gee
「… 我們從小就學會取悅別人，總是喜歡遷就自己去滿足我們所愛的人的需求。我的喜悅經常是和我先生、孩子和朋友的喜悅緊密地牽連在一起。我想最重要的是了解，如果在迎合別人的過程中有務義、負擔和壓力的感覺，我們就要三思了… 就像你在故事裏說的。迎合別人也要帶給自己喜悅才對。」 ~ 羅穎德‧芭西
“ …..We are brought up to please others and oftentimes it feels good to accommodate our needs in order to satisfy the wishes of those we love. So many times, my joy is intricately tied to the joys of my husband, my children and to my friends. I think the important thing to remember is that if there is a sense of obligation, of burden and of pressure in an attempt to please others, then we need to rethink.....as you did in your example. Pleasing others is good if it brings us joy too.” ~ Ravinder Basi
「這個經驗幫助我明白，我們必須做自己、愛自己才會享有平安喜悅，因為這正是我真實呈現自己時的感覺。我並不知道或預期到這種結果。我很高興我能親身經歷，因為這麼好的感覺會鼓勵我再接再厲。而且親身經歷學到的功課會變成我們真正的一部份，和我們長久在一起。」~ Judy H
“This experience also helped me realize that we need to be and love ourselves in order to stay in peace and joy, because that is exactly what I felt by being true to myself. I didn't know and expect this. I am glad that I experienced it first-hand because this good feeling will encourage me to do this more often. Also, what we learn from experience will be truly ours and stay with us longer.” ~ Judy H
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「當你對別人說『好』的時候，確定你不是在跟你自己說『不』。」~ 保羅‧柯艾略
"When you say 'yes' to others, make sure you are not saying 'no' to yourself." ~ Paulo Coelho
「當你對別人說『好』的時候，確定你不是在跟你自己說『不』。」~ 保羅‧柯艾略
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關於作/譯者 Judy H
因為不認識自己，不知道愛自己，一直走在尋覓療癒的路上，然後認識了艾妮塔‧穆札尼。聽到她的訊息有分享的衝動，於是建立了這個網站幫助自己也幫助別人。對認識心靈和愛自己的內容特別感興趣。喜歡寫譯相關文章和志同道合的人分享，讓更多的人陪我一起走在這條讓人興奮感動的路上 😊
About Judy H
Coming from a place where I didn’t know myself, not to mention loving myself, I have been on a quest to heal myself until I came to know Anita Moorjani. When I did, I felt the urge to share her message. Therefore, I created this blog to help myself and other people. I am interested in getting to know my soul and learning to love it. I like to translate and write inspiring stories and share them with like-minded people so that I have company on this exciting and loving journey 😊
相關內容 / You may also like:
「愛自己」是什麼意思? / What Self-Love Means: 20+ Ways to Be Good to Yourself
為什麼我不再取悅別人 / What to Do When Your Need to Please Is Ruining Your Life
轉念遇到愛 (二) – 凱蒂的「功課」 / Turn Around and Find Love (Part II) – The Work
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