By Lori Deschene
作者: 蘿莉‧戴絲琴
I wanted a guarantee.
我要得到一個保證。
I wanted to know for sure that if I tried to do something, I would like it; if I devoted my limited time to it, I’d end up somewhere good.
如果我嘗試去做一件事，我要確定我一定會喜歡它; 如果我投入了寶貴的時間，我一定要得到理想的結果。
I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and I felt certain this was a phenomenal failing—because if you don’t know right now what you need to do to make your life count, life will pass you by before you’ve ever had a chance to do something meaningful or valuable. At least, that’s what I thought back then.
我完全不知道我活著要做什麼，而且我確信這相當失敗 – 因為如果我現在不知道該如何過一個重要的人生，生命就會與我擦肩而過，我根本不會有機會去做任何有意義或價值的事。至少，我當時是這麼想的。
So I sat around thinking, analyzing, trying to identify something big enough or good enough, terrified that maybe I’d spend the rest of my days feeling purposeless, useless, on the fringe; doing the same thing in my professional life as I’d always done in my personal life: feeling like I was on the outside looking in.
所以我坐在那苦思、分析，想找出一件有意義或值得去做的事。我很害怕自己就這樣漫無目的、像個廢人和邊緣人似地度過餘生，在工作和生活上永遠一成不變，感覺自己像是個看戲的局外人。
When you’re sitting amid a vast expanse of possibilities, in the pressure cooker of expectations and impatience, it can feel almost paralyzing.
當你很渴望又很著急地面對腦海裏一片無窮的可能性時，你只會茫然地癱在那裏。
What step do you take when you have a hunch but no solid sense of direction? If it’s only a hunch, then maybe it’s the wrong direction.
當你有某個靈感但沒有實際的方向時，你會怎麼做? 那不過是個靈感，也許是個錯誤的方向吧。
And what if you go in the wrong direction? Then you will have wasted time, and time is finite. And everyone else is so far ahead. Everyone else seems happy and successful. Everyone else is climbing the ladder, earning more money, making a difference, mattering.
那麼如果你走錯了方向會如何? 你會浪費時間，而時間是有限的。而且其他人已經遙遙領先，他們每個人看起來都很快樂很成功。每個人都在往上爬，賺更多的錢，做有意義的事，每個人都像是個重要人物。
What if you never matter? What if you never do anything important? And worst of all, what if you never have more than a hunch about what’s important to you?
如果你一生都不重要怎麼辦? 如果你永遠都沒有重要的事可做怎麼辦? 最糟糕的是，如果你對那有意義的事一直都只是有那麼一點靈感，沒有下文怎麼辦?
What if you never feel a spark, a purpose, that elusive “why” that so many people write about?
如果你一直都沒有感覺到那個火花，那個使命感，那個很多人大作文章討論的內心呼召，怎麼辦?
What if you never care about anything so strongly that it becomes the bliss you have to follow?
如果你一直沒有什麼讓你熱衷到想去追求的事怎麼辦?
Sitting in the Times Square Internet café over a decade ago, searching Craigslist for jobs and gigs, I felt a sense of panic and urgency. I needed to figure it out, and fast.
十幾年前當我在時代廣場一家網路咖啡店裏，在Craigslist上搜尋工作機會時，心裏十分慌亂和著急。我必須找到答案，而且要快。
I was blinded by the fear of never finding what I was looking for, and that made the looking awfully ineffective.
我很害怕永遠找不到答案。那份恐懼感讓我迷失了方向，讓我的搜尋變得非常沒有效率。
I thought there was something wrong with me for being so uncertain, so resistant, so unable to identify and commit to any path.
我覺得自己有問題，一方面拿不定主意，一方面又排斥很多東西，無法確定自己要走什麼路。
In retrospect, I see there was nothing wrong with me, or where I was in life. And there was nothing wrong with living in the maybe, looking for new possibilities.
現在回想，我明白當時的狀況和處境其實很正常。處在一個狀況不明、尋找新契機的階段並沒有什麼不對。
I wasn’t ineffective because I didn’t yet feel a strong internal pull. I was ineffective because I consistently marinated my brain in anxious, self-judging thoughts.
我沒有效率是因為我心裏沒有感受到任何強烈的動力。我沒有效率是因為我的腦子一直沈浸在焦慮自責的念頭裏。
My biggest obstacle wasn’t that I felt lost; it was that I felt I shouldn’t be. I felt I should have known, right then, not only what I wanted to do but also how I was going to do it.
我最大的障礙不是來自於方向不明，而是來自於我覺得自己不應該陷入這種狀況。我覺得我應該明確地掌握一切，就在當時 — 不僅僅是我想要做什麼，甚至包括該如何去做。
Because without knowing those two things, I felt adrift and incredibly out of control. How can you let yourself ease into the moment if you can’t be sure it’s leading to a better one?
不清楚這兩件事讓我覺得自己在隨波逐流，很失控。我怎麼可以安逸於此刻，如果我不確定下一刻會更好?
If I were to walk into that Internet café and approach my younger self, she would probably ignore me, immersed as she was in her frantic searching.
如果我現在可以走進那個網路咖啡店，走近當時那個年輕時的我，她可能根本不會理我，因為她正聚精會神瘋狂地搜尋中。
But if I somehow had the power to command her attention, I’d tell her a few things that maybe, just maybe, could relieve her constant worrying and provide both of peace of mind and focus.
但如果我有能力喚起她的注意，我會告訴她一些事，或許可以緩和她的不安，讓她的心平靜下來，可以重新聚焦。
You’ll never be effective if you’re convinced tomorrow needs to be better than today, because this belief stems from resistance to the present—and the present is where your power lies.
你永遠不可能有效率，如果你認為明天必須比今天更好，因為這個觀念就是抗拒當下的現實，而當下是你唯一的施力點。
If you’re looking for purpose from a place of inadequacy, you will likely be too overwhelmed by the need to do something big, that matters to the world at large, to identify what matters to you personally and start taking tiny steps toward it.
如果你是抱著一種欠缺的心理去尋找人生的目的，覺得自己必須做一件驚世駭俗的大事，這個想法會蒙蔽你的心，讓你看不到你個人的興趣所在，而且無法對它採取任何行動。
Instead of looking for a guarantee that tomorrow will be valuable, know that today is valuable—that you’re not wasting time because you don’t yet feel a sense of purpose. You’re using time well by starting (or continuing) the process of discovering it.
我們要做的不是去尋求一個明天會更好的保證，而是學會去體認今天就是個好日子。你並不在浪費時間，因為你還沒有發現你的目的。你正在善用你的時間去啟動 (或繼續) 這個發現的過程。
There’s simply no shortcut to “figuring things out”—for anyone. Instead of being hard on yourself for not having clarity, be proud of yourself for moving forward on a foggy road when you could easily find a cloudless, well-beaten path to follow…to certain dissatisfaction.
不管是對什麼人，這個「發現」的過程是沒有捷徑的。所以你不用因為混沌不明而苛責自己。相反地，你應該感到自豪，因為你正在一條煙霧迷漫的道路上摸索前行，而你原本可以輕易遵循一條晴空萬里、眾人踏過的老徑，只是因為那條路徑並不會讓你滿意。
There’s no set timeframe for doing anything.
任何事都沒有時間表
You truly can do things in your own time without having to worry about being “behind.” Sometimes it’s the things we do that feel like “stalling” or “getting off track” that end up being the most helpful for our growth.
你大可以按照自己的時間表過日子，不用擔心會落於人後。有時我們做的事讓我們感覺好像停滯不前或偏離了目標，但到頭來卻帶給我們很大的成長。
And besides, what story will be more interesting to flash before your eyes in the end: one that unfolded in ways you never expected, with unique twists and turns; or, one that followed a specific, predetermined timeline with predictable steps from milestone to milestone?
況且，當你走到盡頭看到過往的一生閃過眼前時，你會對那一部劇情更感興趣: 一個曲折離奇、出乎意料的情節，還是一個事先規劃好，按步就班的劇本?
The best way to find direction is to trust your instincts instead of forcing yourself to do things because you think you “should.”
找到方向的最好方法是相信你的直覺，而不是強迫自己去做你認為「應該」做的事。
Your intuition is a powerful compass, and even if you think you aren’t making progress, if you’re following your instincts, you are.
你的直覺是一個強有力的指標，即使你認為你不在往前走，只要你跟隨你的直覺，你就是在往前走。
There are always going to be opportunities that look good on paper, and that little, scared voice within may tell you that your life will only matter if you take them.
你多少會遇到一些表面上看來不錯的機會，然後你內心那個微小害怕的聲音就會告訴你，你必須把握這些機會，你的生命才會開始變得耀眼起來。
Other people may also tell you this, if not directly, indirectly; or, you may assume they’re thinking this, when really, they’re too immersed in their own confusing journey to pass judgment on yours for long.
也許有人也會這樣直接或間接地告訴你，或者你會假設他們有這樣的想法，但事實上，他們也忙於摸索自己的道路，沒有太多閒暇來置喙你的人生。
But sometimes the best opportunities are the ones you don’t take, leaving yourself open for choices that better align with your own values and priorities.
但有時最好的機會就是放過那些機會，給自己空間去作和你最情投意合的選擇。
I know this may sound as impossible as growing another lung, but try not to worry so much about what other people might think. They may have expectations, but they aren’t living inside your mind, or feeling your instincts.
我知道這聽起來好像跟要再長一個肺一樣困難，但請試著不要太在意別人的看法。他們也許對你有所期待，但畢竟他們不是你肚裏的蛔蟲，也感受不到你的直覺。
The only one who can make wise decisions for you is you. And even if it makes you feel anxious at times, you will eventually thank yourself for being brave enough to follow your heart, not someone else’s head.
唯一可以為你作明智抉擇的人是你自己。儘管你有時仍然會覺得不安，但有一天你會感謝自己曾經這麼勇敢地跟隨自己的心意，而不是別人的想法。
When it comes to creating purpose, there truly is no “wrong” decision.
對開創人生而言，沒有什麼決定是「錯」的。
You may think you only have one purpose and that you need to push yourself to find it. And you can continue thinking this, if you’re okay with feeling chronically pressured and scared.
也許你認為你只有一個目的，所以你必須竭盡所能去找到它。你是可以抱持這種想法，但這樣的你會處在長期慢性的壓力和恐懼中。
Or, instead of aiming to discover the one thing you’re supposed to do with your life, you could focus on discovering the one thing you want to try right now, knowing that you can change direction any time. And that changing direction won’t be something to be ashamed of; it won’t mean you failed at discovering your purpose before. It will mean you had one purpose then, and now your purpose has evolved.
或者，你可以不用執著於尋找那人生的唯一目的，你可以把精神放在去發現你「現在」想嘗試的任何一件事，因為你可以隨時改變方向。改變方向並不是件丟人的事，它並不表示你先前沒有成功地找到人生的目的。它只是表示你當時有一個目的，而現在那個目的已經演化轉變了。
It will mean you’re brave enough to let yourself evolve, repeatedly undertaking the sometimes terrifying process of discovering what else you can do.
它表示你有讓自己進步和轉變的勇氣，不斷地冒險去嘗試發掘你的其他潛能。
Maybe that in itself can be a purpose—to live life in that vulnerable, uncertain place where you’re not boxed into one way of being; unencumbered by the need to define yourself and your place in the world; free to roam when it would feel much safer to tether yourself to one role.
也許這本身就是一個目的 — 處在一個脆弱不穩定的狀態，不想一成不變，不想受何特定的身份或狀況所束縛，自由自在的漫遊直到你想在一個角色上安定下來。
Ten years ago I thought I was a failure because I hadn’t done anything that felt important. I now know it was all important, and not just because it brought me to this site. (Translator's note: the author is the founder of Tiny Buddha.)
十年前我認為自己很失敗，因為我沒有做過任何我自認為重要的事。現在我明白了所有的一切都至關重要，不僅僅是因為那些經歷幫助我成就了這個網站。(譯者注: 本文作者係本文出處https://tinybuddha.com的創辦人)。
All those steps were important because those steps were my life. And my life is valuable and worth enjoying regardless of what I do professionally.
所有那些經歷都很重要，因為它們是我的人生。而我的人生是寶貴的，是可以用喜樂的心去度過的，不管我從事的是什麼職業。
Ironically, adopting this mindset makes it so much easier to create meaning in life, because suddenly it’s not about what you have to do. It’s about what you want to do. It’s about where your heart’s pulling you in this moment.
有趣的是，這個想法反而會讓我們的人生更有意義，因為我們會恍然大悟，明白重要的不是我們必須做什麼，而是我們想要做什麼，我們的心此刻想把我們帶往何處。
And that’s what it means to find direction—to follow those pulls, without a guarantee, knowing that the goal isn’t to end up somewhere good but to learn to recognize the good in this very moment.
這就是尋找人生方向的真諦 — 只要跟隨我們的心意，不需要任何的保證，因為我們知道我們的目標不是要到達一個了不得的地方，而是學會體認每一個當下都是美好的。
This moment isn’t merely the bridge to where you want to be. This moment—this crucial part of the process—is a destination in itself, and now is your only opportunity to appreciate it, and appreciate yourself for living it.
這一刻不僅僅是你通往目的地的橋樑，這一刻是整個過程的關鍵點，它本身就是一個目的地。這一刻是你唯一可以品嚐它、慶幸自己擁有它的機會。
* Judy H 譯 *
文章來源 / Source: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/feel-purposeless-fear-youre-wasting-time/
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"Your entire life only happens in this moment. The present moment is life itself. Yet, people live as if the opposite were true and treat the present moment as a stepping stone to the next moment - a means to an end." ~ Eckhart Tolle「你全部的人生只發生在每個當下。現在這一刻就是人生。但是我們本末倒置了，總是將此刻當作下一刻的跳板 -- 一個達到目的的手段。」~ 艾克哈特．托勒
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About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Her latest book Tiny Buddha's Gratitude Journal, which includes 15 coloring pages, is now available for purchase. For daily wisdom, follow Tiny Buddha on Twitter, Facebook & Instagram.
關於蘿莉‧戴絲琴
蘿莉‧戴絲琴是「小小佛陀」和「改寫人生故事」的創辦人，後者是一個網路課程，目的在幫助學員放下過去，過他們真正喜愛的生活。她最近的創作「小小佛陀感恩日誌」，是一個包含15頁的美麗繪本。想要得到每日的智慧箴言，可以用推特、臉書或Instagram來追蹤她的「小小佛陀」。
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相關內容 / You may also be interested in:
(視頻) 人生是一首音樂 / Life as Music (Alan Watts 艾倫•沃茲)
米雅的夢 / Mia’s Dream
生命的意義到底是什麼? (艾妮塔.穆札尼) / What is the true meaning of life? (Anita Moorjani)
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